GF son swearing at her....

[eddied39]

Hi all,

Been living with GF now about 6 months. All are getting adjusted pretty well. Her two boys and my son and daughter.

Have a concern. My GF's youngest boy (12) swears at her. I don't mind swearing, dropping the F-bomb every so often or saying things with friends. I did it as a kid. I get it. Boys will be boys.

Problem I have is he calls her a "b**ch", "go F yourself" and so on. He the typical 12 year old "I don't care" type kid. Doesn't happen all the time but happens enough. The added problem is that I don't know that GF sees it as much of a big deal as I do. Today, he called her a < lunkhead > in front of two friends, me, my son and my daughter. She went over and they kind of laughed while kinda of arm wrestling with eachother. Not one of the more concerning examples but still.

My son commented about how he's never heard a kid talk to their mother like that. I had to be sure my two are clear on my expectations when it comes to swearing at adults especially parents. They got it.

Not my kid. Not his father. I get it. Any thoughts on what to do without being "the guy" who tries to be the "father" to the GF's kid? Is this my issue (I would agree)? Is this just a different parenting style that I need to get used to? Do I tell GF i'm concerned about he speaks to her when she may not have a problem with it? To me, it's a form of verbal abuse but who am I to say.

Not exactly sure what to do here if anything.

Appreciate it

[Fatheroffour]

My best advice is to go ahead and wrap your head around the unhappy ending this relationship is going to have.

Seriously, you can't let that < edited > slide in your home, can you?

The little punk is calling your woman a < female dog > to your face. What are you going to do about it?

Don't punk out. He's not just disrespecting his mother. He's bltch slapping you too.

[Fatheroffour]

And that's not 'fathering' the kid. If mommy accuses you of that all she's doing is cutting your balls off. That's simply being a man and defining what's acceptable in your presence.

[defaultuser]

Not to hijack the post, but I have a friend who is moving in with his GF. She has a 15 year old who is angry about it. The kid walks away from her when she's talking, etc.

Its hard to know when you should or should not step in and say something. The kid wants no man to be with his mom, which is somewhat understandable, but bad behavior is hard to deal with.

I hope for the best with my buddy and his very nice GF, but I'm afraid the kid will screw things up....

[dobradavid]

The "problem" is...this is a no-win situation for you.

Hi all,

Been living with GF now about 6 months. All are getting adjusted pretty well. Her two boys and my son and daughter.

Have a concern. My GF's youngest boy (12) swears at her. I don't mind swearing, dropping the F-bomb every so often or saying things with friends. I did it as a kid. I get it. Boys will be boys.

Problem I have is he calls her a "b**ch", "go F yourself" and so on. He the typical 12 year old "I don't care" type kid. Doesn't happen all the time but happens enough. The added problem is that I don't know that GF sees it as much of a big deal as I do. Today, he called her a < edited > in front of two friends, me, my son and my daughter. She went over and they kind of laughed while kinda of arm wrestling with eachother. Not one of the more concerning examples but still.

My son commented about how he's never heard a kid talk to their mother like that. I had to be sure my two are clear on my expectations when it comes to swearing at adults especially parents. They got it.

Not my kid. Not his father. I get it. Any thoughts on what to do without being "the guy" who tries to be the "father" to the GF's kid? Is this my issue (I would agree)? Is this just a different parenting style that I need to get used to? Do I tell GF i'm concerned about he speaks to her when she may not have a problem with it? To me, it's a form of verbal abuse but who am I to say.

Not exactly sure what to do here if anything.

Appreciate it

[davidd]

The situation sounds confusing, but a twelve-year-old's comments have nothing to do with your balls. Taking it personally is just going to make things more confusing. In my divorce it there are different rules in the different households. Having different rules for different people in the same household seems very difficult. Your first priority is with your own kids, and it sounds like you communicate well with them. It seems what's next is getting clear with your GF what your role is going to be with her kids. If this is truly a long-term relationship, it's totally worth your patience and perseverance.

Stay open. Listen, and don't criticize. Perhaps you have something to learn from her relationship with her kids, or maybe she feels out of control and needs your support. Whatever you find out, it's a great opportunity to work on something very important together. It might get more confusing before it gets better. It's never easy having two families join together.

Good luck!

-David

[Fatheroffour]

The situation sounds confusing, but a twelve-year-old's comments have nothing to do with your balls.

Agreed.

However, tolerating it and letting your own kids be continually exposed to it says as much about the OP as it does about his GF.

It's not a subtle signal she's sending out. Its a GIANT SIGNAL FLARE. She's broken. Insult her and degrade her and she'll come to her abuser for closeness and to 'joke around'. On the plus side, It says about her that she has some real self esteem issues to exploit and is a freak in the sack, but clearly she is broken so don't be shocked when she goes full blown NJ .

And for gods sake, wear a rubber. You don't want to breed with this one.

[eddied39]

Agreed.

However, tolerating it and letting your own kids be continually exposed to it says as much about the OP as it does about his GF.

It's not a subtle signal she's sending out. Its a GIANT SIGNAL FLARE. She's broken. Insult her and degrade her and she'll come to her abuser for closeness and to 'joke around'. On the plus side, It says about her that she has some real self esteem issues to exploit and is a freak in the sack, but clearly she is broken so don't be shocked when she goes full blown NJ .

And for gods sake, wear a rubber. You don't want to breed with this one.

This may sound incredibly naive but how did you know that?

[Anything4Her]

This may sound incredibly naive but how did you know that?

Because it goes right along with the low self esteem and willingness to be abused. She'll be a freak in the sack because she wants desperately to please you so that you won't leave. If she lets her kid curse and degrade her.... and considers it NORMAL, she'll probably be up for her lover slapping/spanking etc. I have a feeling that many more men here than FoF and myself have encountered the type.

She has daddy issues, doesn't she? I'm willing to bet her father wasn't around.

[eddied39]

This may sound incredibly naive but how did you know that?

Because it goes right along with the low self esteem and willingness to be abused. She'll be a freak in the sack because she wants desperately to please you so that you won't leave. If she lets her kid curse and degrade her.... and considers it NORMAL, she'll probably be up for her lover slapping/spanking etc. I have a feeling that many more men here than FoF and myself have encountered the type.

She has daddy issues, doesn't she? I'm willing to bet her father wasn't around.

Actually no on the dad part. He died about 7 years ago. Very close.

I have some serious thinking to do about this relationship. I have my own issues with being alone, etc. so I have some hard thinking to do.

Another "son" issue came up but this time with the oldest (17). He has this anxiety at times. Calls upon her when it happens. Last night, felt his throat was closing in on him. As a result, she came to me last night to tell me that I needed to sleep on the couch so he could be with her for the night because of his anxiety.

I feel pathetic even writing that.