I feel trapped

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I feel trapped

Postby radman44 » Mon Mar 05, 2012 1:41 pm

I went through a very ugly divorce that lasted 3 years and I have been divorced for over 1 year now. As part of the divorce settlement my ex said she was moving my kids to another state. Based on this I gave up my job and moved to the new state where she was going to move and found a new position. After I moved she "decided" not to move. I know it was a plan to keep me away from my kids but I can't prove it. I was very naive. Now I am too far away to see my kids any amount of time. I can move back but I will make less money and won't be able to cover the alimony. I have no problem with the child support. It has come down to seeing my kids or paying her alimony. How has this country come to this?? Paying alimony or seeing your children. I have no idea what to do. My attorney says the amount of support in my divorce agreement isn't modifiable.
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby defaultuser » Mon Mar 05, 2012 1:54 pm

You are not a rat in a cage. Yeah, it sounds like you got the shaft but that doesn't mean you can't be close to your kids.

Get a second job if you have to, or keep your current position and work from home living near your kids.... or do something else. If you have a defeatist attitude, you will be defeated.

There are lots of guys here who were in worse situations and have come out ahead after years of fighting to stay in their children's lives. If your #1 priority is maintaining a relationship with the kids, you have a good start.
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby janesmith » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:09 am

Your ex should not keep your child away from you because you have an equal right when it comes to them.

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Re: I feel trapped

Postby Thoughts? » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:42 am

A few facts to allow us to better help you.

1) What does the parenting plan say in terms of when you can see your children?

2) Do you exercise it (see your children) consistently?

3) You moved before she did? Support was therefore based on a new salary, which takes into account that place's cost of living?

4) CS is modifiable. SS can sometimes not be modified if it's contractual in nature (as in agreed in mediation as part of a buy out or other agreement). What are the specific terms of your spousal support? You should know your orders well by now, I hope.

5) What state was the divorce granted in, and how far away are you?
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby radman44 » Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:11 am

Thanks to all for the advice.

To answer the questions:

1) What does the parenting plan say in terms of when you can see your children? She has them for 238 days and I have them for 127 days. I have them every other Thursday to Sunday and every other Wednesday on the other weeks.

2) Do you exercise it (see your children) consistently? I see them as much as I can take off work and drive the long distance. I can not see them on my Thursdays and Wednesdays because of work and the distance from them. I usually have to pick them up late Friday night after driving to TN and then she picks them up Sunday afternoon before I drive back to where I work in another state.

3) You moved before she did? Support was therefore based on a new salary, which takes into account that place's cost of living? Yes, I moved before she did because a position was open close to where she told me she was moving to. I went ahead and moved because I wasn't sure if a position would be open if I waited the 8 months until her supposed move. I moved in January 4 days after the divorce was final. She informed the court and it was incorporated into the agreement that she would move before the next school year started in August of that year.

4) CS is modifiable. SS can sometimes not be modified if it's contractual in nature (as in agreed in mediation as part of a buy out or other agreement). What are the specific terms of your spousal support? You should know your orders well by now, I hope. I do know it by heart now. "This alimony shall not be modified except in the event of death of either of the parties, in which alimony shall be terminated, or as may be provided herein."
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby massdaddio » Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:50 am

She informed the court and it was incorporated into the agreement that she would move before the next school year started in August of that year.


She violated the agreement by not moving. You can file a contempt on her or request the alimony be revisited because it was based on her moving which she has not done.
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby Trevor » Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:11 pm

I'd ask for relo costs and everything too, there and back again!
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby TXex's » Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:24 pm

I have to agree, the stellar part of this is just as you agreed that you would pay $x in spousal support, she agreed that she would be moving to the area you moved to. She failed to follow through on this. The bottom line is that she is in violation of the order for not moving. This is where your leverage is to either A) Get her to move close to you, B) Change the custody order, C) Get a modification that would support your ability to relocate back to be near your kid(s).

What exactly does the order say about the relocation? Does it talk about the location of the primary residence of the children? The language may be critical here. Focus on the kids, not the spousal support. Only bring the spousal support into the discussion insofar as it a reduction in support would allow you to move back if she is not willing to relocate to you to support your current custody order or modify the custody order to give you primary. You should not be the one driving back and forth and loosing time with the kids because she failed to follow a legal order.
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Re: I feel trapped

Postby Trevor » Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:52 pm

This all happened a year ago and your paper trail of her telling you she'll be there in another few weeks will be critical; but the longer you stay where you are, the tougher will be your argument to make in court.
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