LawMoe and others see what you think.

[dave]

LawMoe,
Was wanting your opinion and thoughts on the following. The facts below can be proved by audio and or e-mails and written information passed back and forth along with info provided by school and church. Each one is a violation of our finial decree. All this has taken place in one years time. This is only a rough outline.

Wondering what the chance of having < parenting time > time added and possible change of custody.
As for the time I have our daughter 46% of the time. I have her every other week except Monday and Wednesday.
I am looking to add either day to my week for a total of two extra days a month. With her traveling I have already meet those days.

Should I go for sole custody modification?



Audio of the ex calling and yelling cursing me in the middle of it you hear her say “Just a minute baby”
(This shows her hostility toward me in presence of daughter)

Agreeing on extended < parenting time > then removing it the day prior. Sometimes it yes, no, yes , no done over a period of a few days.

Has now twice scheduled a function on our time and taken her telling me to bad and not allowing make up time.

Has told our daughter not to talk about who she see, who they go out with and who stay’s over at their house.

Has left her in the care of others longer than 4 hours with out asking my ROR.

Has started to smoke cigarettes and drink again.

Taking daughter to dentist and not informing me.

Taking daughter 3 times to psychologist with out informing me or consulting me on it.
And telling our daughter not to tell me about it.

Stopped attending church with daughter on their weekend. This stopped right after the finial.

No longer participates in school functions. And when she was she stayed on her cell phone constantly. Again her participation stopped right after the finial.

Had letters sent from different states implying sexual wrong doing toward daughter. When looking at the letters it is very clear they were copied of the same machine.

During finial stated she only traveled 4 times in 7 years on work. To date she has traveled 5 times in a year.
(This is a good one asked me to watch daughter over night cause she was having a tree removed. Tree still there in yard)

Is $1,097 behind in paying her ½ share of child care (Gymnastics, daycare, Brownies and so on)

[Pete]

First, you need to determine what it is you want. You must be clearly focused on your desired results, otherwise you will not know where to focus your claims.

If you want sole custody, you will likely need more than the above.

If you want a custody modification for time, it is possible, but some of what you have is irrelevant in terms of custody. Whether or not some of it is contemptable would remain in question even with proof. Is the contempt enough to grant more time? Not for anyone her to decide without all of the facts and circumstances. Is PAS involved by the ex? Probably, but much much mroe difficult to prove.

Good luck friend. Comments on each of your statements below.

Audio of the ex calling and yelling cursing me in the middle of it you hear her say “Just a minute baby”
(This shows her hostility toward me in presence of daughter)
---This means something in court, and usually prohibited by a decree. If you have it on tape, make dang sure it is legal in your state for one party recordings. That is good evidence. However, you better make sure you have many other tapes of conversations as well, or it will be argued that you 'led' the conversation knowing it was recorded "that time"

Agreeing on extended < parenting time > then removing it the day prior. Sometimes it yes, no, yes , no done over a period of a few days.
---Agreements to time not allocated in the decree are usually based on "as the parties may agree". If she rescinds her agreement, it is more of a nuisance and being a witch than it is contempt.

Has now twice scheduled a function on our time and taken her telling me to bad and not allowing make up time.
---This is contempt, she should not schedule overlapping events depriving you of time AND should allow make-up time when she does (provided your decree provides this requirement)

Has told our daughter not to talk about who she see, who they go out with and who stay’s over at their house.
---No impact in court whatsoever. Unless you can prove that overnight and other guests place the child in danger.

Has left her in the care of others longer than 4 hours with out asking my ROR.
---Contempt if you can prove it, but you will also have to prove that you were available to take care of child during the times. Arguing a ROFR violation if you were effectively unavailable anyway is not going to go anywhere.

Has started to smoke cigarettes and drink again.
---Irrelevant unless she smokes in closed areas in the presence of child, or drinks and drives with child in car AND you can PROVE it.

Taking daughter to dentist and not informing me.
---Improper, and could be contempt if decree requires your permission. If decree does not rquire her to consult you before visiting a physician, she could claim she meant to tell you and forgot, but it was just a checkup anyway.

Taking daughter 3 times to psychologist with out informing me or consulting me on it.
And telling our daughter not to tell me about it.
---If she did not inform you, how did you find out? Coercing information out of a child is just as bad, and would put you in bad light. For example, constantly questioning child about guests mom has and other things is equivalent to bad mouthing the ex to a child. Contemptable same as above if you can prove it.

Stopped attending church with daughter on their weekend. This stopped right after the finial.
--IRRELEVANT

No longer participates in school functions. And when she was she stayed on her cell phone constantly. Again her participation stopped right after the finial.
---Lack of participation in childs school events is perhaps an issue to be tied in with all other aspects of her idiocy, but it is not contempt, nor a viable circumstance warranting a modification of custody.

Had letters sent from different states implying sexual wrong doing toward daughter. When looking at the letters it is very clear they were copied of the same machine.
---WHO was doing sexual wrongdoing? This is very strange, and if she intends to make a claim of abuse against you, be very cautious about provoking her...sounds like some kind of set up to me. Not sure the relevance of letters being sent from different states and same copier....If the claims in the letters are false, clearly not relevant unless daughter read them or is being told to verify the claims.

During finial stated she only traveled 4 times in 7 years on work. To date she has traveled 5 times in a year.
(This is a good one asked me to watch daughter over night cause she was having a tree removed. Tree still there in yard)
--Largely irrelevant and not contempt. The only contemptable piece would be the ROR clause if she traveled and left child in care of others while away.

Is $1,097 behind in paying her ½ share of child care (Gymnastics, daycare, Brownies and so on)
--If court ordered that she reimburse you, then this contempt, but you could also eventually file a civil claim and have a judgment on her credit. Doesn't mean you will get paid though.

[dave]

Has started to smoke cigarettes and drink again.
---Irrelevant unless she smokes in closed areas in the presence of child, or drinks and drives with child in car AND you can PROVE it.
She is not allowed to drink 12 hours prior to < parenting time > or around our daughter during < parenting time >
Taking daughter to dentist and not informing me.
---Improper, and could be contempt if decree requires your permission. If decree does not require her to consult you before visiting a physician, she could claim she meant to tell you and forgot, but it was just a checkup anyway.
We are to both keep each other informed of theses types of events.

Taking daughter 3 times to psychologist with out informing me or consulting me on it.
And telling our daughter not to tell me about it.
---If she did not inform you, how did you find out? Coercing information out of a child is just as bad, and would put you in bad light. For example, constantly questioning child about guests mom has and other things is equivalent to bad mouthing the ex to a child. Contemptible same as above if you can prove it.
One received a insurance bill two we drive by the office every day on way home one day daughter said did you know “”” moved . My reply was no she followed with yah mommy takes me to the new place. Please know I do not and refuse to try and pry info from daughter if she says something that’s it. And even if she does I will not pursue it beyond what she says.

Had letters sent from different states implying sexual wrong doing toward daughter. When looking at the letters it is very clear they were copied of the same machine.
---WHO was doing sexual wrongdoing? This is very strange, and if she ]intends to make a claim of abuse against you, be very cautious about provoking her...sounds like some kind of set up to me. Not sure the relevance of letters being sent from different states and same copier....If the claims in the letters are false, clearly not relevant unless daughter read them or is being told to verify the claims
Harassment? It is implied that I am. Really weird stuff sent.


So what you are saying is most of it is contempt? Each one I listed is a violation of our court order.
While she sits back and bad mouths me everyday to our daughter? Case in point when I went to school to help out her class the other day when I walked in first words out of our daughters mouth was not hi but “mommy says you need to get a life”

What I want to increase is time first and go from there. she has been gone enough to have left our daughter with me to make the days i am requesting. travel will cont and this is not a isolated case. i want to make the etra time court ordered.

[Pete]

I am saying most of it is unfortunately arguable by the time it gets to the judge. The burden of absolute unquestionable proof of your accusations is all on you. Without proof, it becomes 'he said', 'she said'.

I would be willing to bet that an unskilled defense attorney could argue away most of it. Not trying to be discouraging, but you need to realize how difficult it may be. What seems as clear as black and white to those of us in similar circumstances, is nearly always minimized by the court without absolute proof.

Proof means sworn statements by those unrelated to you or your child that are in positions that make them credible. Certainly statements from school officials etc is pretty good.

The court may seek only to clarify the orders to be more specifc and lay down remedies moving forward.

YOu have to understand that "violation of a court order" must be pretty specific by definition. This means, that you have to prove that on x date, y date, z, date, etc that a happened (like she drank alchohol within 12 hours or during visit).

You will have to prove that she did not inform you of the doctor's visits. She will likely claim she told you or forgot...perhaps you could modify the order to require notification via email or in writing somehow prior to the visit.

The letters received in the mail? Unless you can prove SHE was the one who physically created and mailed them, and while this may be harrassment, it would be difficult to claim that this particularly was contempt.

The only thing of real substance that I see is the drinking. of the decree prohibits alcohol consumption during or 12 hours preceding visits, then there must have been a circumstance that warranted sucha prohibition. As such, not following the order in this respect could be more damaging than anything.

If you have been getting extra time, be able to document that you have been recieving extra time for at least six months or so, and want the new "status quo" to be memorialized in a amendment to the court order to avoid future problems. The roll in all of the other stuff. Of course, it will only be difficult because you are the father. Mom would have no trouble at all with the claims against you if the shoe were on the other foot.

[dave]

I know it will be up hill. However i did better than most and i had a female judge to. Sadly it was my lawyer that let me down not the system. I found that out about him afterwards.

Yes we had the drinking put in the decree do to her consumption.

[Lawmoe]

Listing different complaints that you hope will supporta change in custody is a far cry from proving those complaints. For the most part, you have a borderline case, even a bit on the weak site. To a degree, you dilute your request to change custoduy by listing a myriad of petty grievances. Generally, it is the larger endangerment issues that capture a couurt's attention.

With that said, a lower standard is generally applied when you are trying to increase parenting time without changing custody per se. If you can demonstrate that the change benefits the child, there is a decent chance that time will be increased.

Audio of the ex calling and yelling cursing me in the middle of it you hear her say “Just a minute baby” (This shows her hostility toward me in presence of daughter)

Although a court may admonish the other parent for this kind of behavir. It is not significant and would unlikely esult in a custody change. Moreover, some courts take offense to taping conversations. Knowing your Judge's predispositions is important.

Agreeing on extended < parenting time > then removing it the day prior. Sometimes it yes, no, yes , no done over a period of a few days.

This is irrelevant. She is not bound by agreements made that are not memorialized as an order.

Has now twice scheduled a function on our time and taken her telling me to bad and not allowing make up time.

This is a general parenting dispute. It would not be considered significant for a change of custody or a change in parenting time.

Has told our daughter not to talk about who she see, who they go out with and who stay’s over at their house.

Again --this will not be seen as significant.

Has left her in the care of others longer than 4 hours with out asking my ROR.

This could be an issue addressed in a Motion for Contempt. It is not a continuous willful denial of parental rights resulting in a change in custody.

Has started to smoke cigarettes and drink again.

This could be significant, depending on what issues she has had with abuse of chemicals in the past. You do not indicate what your concerns are with regard to care or endangerment of the children with regard to this behavior. That is a critical element for any change in custody.

Taking daughter to dentist and not informing me.

I am sure this is bothersome to you. It is not, however, a major issue with regard to custody changes or parenting time.

Taking daughter 3 times to psychologist with out informing me or consulting me on it. And telling our daughter not to tell me about it.

Same answer as above although slightly more significant. It is an issue that should be properly addressed with a Motion seeking a finding of contempt.

Stopped attending church with daughter on their weekend. This stopped right after the finial.

Completely irrelevant.

No longer participates in school functions. And when she was she stayed on her cell phone constantly. Again her participation stopped right after the finial.

This is a small piece of a much bigger puzzle. Without much more than you have here, it is unlikely to be a difference maker.

Had letters sent from different states implying sexual wrong doing toward daughter. When looking at the letters it is very clear they were copied of the same machine.

I am not certain what you are saying here. Are you saying she accused you of sexual miscondiuct? Who was accusing who and of what? Certainly false allegations of abuse will be taken very seriously by a court.

During finial stated she only traveled 4 times in 7 years on work. To date she has traveled 5 times in a year.

Once again---and this affects her parenting in an adverse way -- how? That is the important issue, not that she travels. You are concerntrating on the wrong part of the equation

Is $1,097 behind in paying her ½ share of child care (Gymnastics, daycare, Brownies and so on)

Irrelevant to custody or parenting issues.

[dave]

As to her drinking it worryies me that she will drive with her or worse her temp. will flare up again.

For the school i have witness to see how she acted also there is a school log which show he rbeing there two hours over a course of the year toward my 98. along with she stopped takng her to church after the finial.

she is bound to grant me extra visitaion when i request it.

the letters emply wrong doing on my part. they were sent from three different states but you can tell copied from the same machine. at the time only herself and my family new my address. besides i dont know any body in those states.

i do have alot of evidence but no sure how to get it togather