Do I Whistleblow?

[concerned1]

I have some evidence to support claim she committed adultery with her direct supervisor,
and have filed for divorce on those grounds. We're attempting to reach a settlement, her side is reluctant and apparently holding out to negotiate a bigger financial settlement. Court has awarded temporary 50/50 custody of child. We have near equal salaries. We have agreed to no alimony or direct child support to be paid, but not signed an agreement. I'd like to avoid trial for the sheer waste of money and stress to myself and my child.

I'm contemplating anonymously reporting their affair to their company's corporate ethics compliance department. I assume doing so would start an internal investigation and dig up emails, blackberry records, etc. It may also cause her to lose her job.

I need some advice on whether it's a good move, or ways it could hurt me.

[defaultuser]

It is never a good idea to create problems for your X at work. If she loses her job, you may end up supporting her. Attorney fees, alimony, temporary support, child support, etc. all depend on her income. If she loses her job she may decide to become a stay at home mom.

You should do everything you can to support her continued employment, even post divorce. The more she earns and the more time she spends at work, the better off you are.

[Bubba Seal]

I think if you are getting divorced its best for her to have a job, dont you?

What would be the reprecusions on your divorce in her losing her job, cause you reported her?

Im sure you want to blast her in some way, but I would really think this thru, use the evidence to pressure a settlement out of her, its leverage, once you mention it thru her work, she will go bat < edited > crazy on you.

[Fatheroffour]

Is the possible violation of corporate ethics weighing heavily on your conscience or you just looking to snipe attack?

Stay away from the petty drama and focus on the big picture.

[hoosier_dad]

If you cause her to lose her job you are shooting yourself in the foot.

One strategy that seems to work is to simply communicate to the other side that you intend to call her boss as a witness during the final trial. Could be as simple as a witness list or just an off-handed comment. You don't have to share any accusations or evidence, but just the threat of her boss having to come to court can be a big incentive for her to settle.

[Txbizman]

If you cause her to lose her job you are shooting yourself in the foot.

One strategy that seems to work is to simply communicate to the other side that you intend to call her boss as a witness during the final trial. Could be as simple as a witness list or just an off-handed comment. You don't have to share any accusations or evidence, but just the threat of her boss having to come to court can be a big incentive for her to settle.

Very good advice. I did the same thing but she held out, dug her heels in and fought like hell even tho shes the lying cheating < edited >.....Day before trial I popped 4 subpoenas and within the hour she was calling ready to deal..... Don't fire that bullet... It'll be much more useful later on.

[concerned1]

But later on will be at least $100k later.

The thing is my potential leverage of the adultery grounds, doesn't seem to matter much to the other side, or they would have accepted the relatively fair settlement that was already proposed. This I'm having a hard time understanding.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

As the others said...don't screw with her employment. If you do, it WILL cost you.

What proof of adultery do you have? Video or pictures? If you're relying on the companies internal investigation to dig stuff up...you might want to consider just filing "no fault."

Let's put it this way...unless you have a slam dunk case..what do you think the odds are of her agreeing to anything that will result in a fault based divorce with adultery for the cause being entered into the record?

[Txbizman]

But later on will be at least $100k later.

The thing is my potential leverage of the adultery grounds, doesn't seem to matter much to the other side, or they would have accepted the relatively fair settlement that was already proposed. This I'm having a hard time understanding.

Bluffing you? It's easy to do now.... But when faced with trial, humiliation etc and the possibility that work could find out may be better leverage than you think. But not if you fire now..... And like the others have said her loosing her job will affect your children plus you may get to pick up the slack financially....

[Fatheroffour]

Once the 'secret' is out is has no value and may become a detriment.

Hoosier Dad has given the best advice. Put the appropriate people on the witness list. If necessary, depose them or schedule to depose them. That should prod a settlement if the affair is as big of an issue you seem to think it is.