LAWYER TOLD ME OK 2 MOVE OUT, OK 2 LET HER FILE

[Abdefg123]

NEED ADVICE, nj 3 kids and a stepson i raised:
Decided 5-6 months ago we'd separate and divorce, she decided first and was hiding things from me. Threw a temper tantrum when i caught her in a lie and called cops saying i pushed her. Couldnt believe she did that to me, after swearing up and down it would be amicable.
They didnt believe her and i stayed in the home. She started freaking out a couple months ago and threatening to call cops again and i decided to sleep across street at parents as i lawyered up and lawyer said it was okay. He says its okay that i moved out since she was being beligerent and making false accusations, shows i was the bigger person??
He also said when i went to file that the next day her lawyer called and asked if we already filed, cuz if so, he would file an answer instead, to avoid doubling up. My lawyer said we should let her FILE FIRST! Said shes nuts and could go first to hear what all she says/claims.!?
This guy is sharp and was judge in my town for 8 years.
She went a month ago and filed criminal charges for trespassing and harrassing her (its my house!) And the harrassment incident was after she called cops (again) and lied saying i shoved myy way into house, they knew she was lying and said they wouldnt press charges bc her story didnt add up. (They told her to give me a key bc she CHANGED THE LOCKS!
When we ended up in court my lawyer got us called first and got her lawyer to dismiss all charges w.out prejudice. He knew everyone in the court house bc it was HIS courthouse !
I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM! But, advice to take the high road, MOVE OUT and let her file first?
DO I NEED A NEW LAWYER/NEW PLAN? Can this plan work? I feel like i should maybe file to KICK HER OUT, MOVE BACK INTO MY HOME I BOUGHT 4 MONTHS B4 I GOT MARRIED, AND FILE ReSIDENTIAL CUSTODY? I would rather be on offensive i think? She doesnt work, part time here and there during 7 year marriage. P.s. i never said i was moved out, just that im sleeping elsewhere to avoid getting thrown in jail when she really goes nuts and punches herself then calls.. pps the house is 70k under water but i would like to keep it as its street i grew up on, parents are across street, AND MORTGAGE WAS REDUCED through a mod plan to just 850/month! Cant rent apartment for 850 !

[Fatheroffour]

Worst.

Advice

Ever.

[Abdefg123]

Should i move back in and risk false allegations?

[Fatheroffour]

What are your custody goals?

[Abdefg123]

50 50. Which we do now ( verbal agreement only)
Unsure of what residential or non residential matters if its 50 50 ?

[Thoughts?]

Have you secured an MP3 recorder to protect yourself when she goes nuts?

Catching her threatening a false charge would've been very effective. Showing yourself as the better guy is ceding control of the marital residence to her, which is a strategic blunder.

You living really close to your kids?

[dad_76904]

move back in immediately.... plain and simple. have an mp3 recorder (or two... or three) and keep them running non stop. buy lots of extra batteries.

avoid all communication with her unless it has to do with the children. be super dad. attend every school event, every teacher meeting... everything.

i don't care if your lawyer was Jesus Christ himself. that is the absolute worst advice i've ever heard.

and did i read you right? you bought that house before you were married???? and you're going to move out of Y O U R home? wow....

the way it was explained to me by my lawyer was that whomever stays in the house has a better chance to get the kids because that is THEIR home (the kids'). if you move out, it looks like you abandoned the home and family. obviously this will be rough, being that your nj likes to make false accusations. that's why you remain calm, polite, etc, and move in. no confrontations. act like she's not there. don't be rude to her. if she goes on a tyrant, have the recorder going, but do not let her know. it's going to take lots of lip biting, and self discipline. let her call the cops and make false accusations... in the long run it will show the court that she does not foster a relationship between you and your children, and is lying to get her way. judges don't like that nonsense.

[someguy]

In many states - If you bought the house before marriage with YOUR funds only, the house is yours except 50% of the equity must be paid to her. You will need an appraisal.

Either way move back in now.

[Trevor]

In many states - If you bought the house before marriage with YOUR funds only, the house is yours except 50% of the equity must be paid to her.

Wrong. You must mean 50% of the change in equity during the marriage.

[dad_76904]

i really hope this guy takes our advice... hope he posts back from his living room watching tv.