Stay-at-home dad here, considering divorce.

[SAHD]

Hello all, don't want to make this too long but the main reason i am here is because i'm considering divorce after 15 years of marriage.

2 kids (11,6)---been a SAHD for 7 years. I decided to stay home since my wife had more potential to move up in her career. So i ended mine and she now is in a good paying job.

My main reason for considering divorce is for the past year or so she has disconnected emotionally from me and kids. Work for her is main priority. Talk about me going back to work ends in fights since she refuses to help in any way around house. She said if i went back to work i would still have to do housework with no help.

Thing i have found out is i believe she has NPD. Total control freak and craves power in marriage. Shows absolutely no empathy or intimacy.. I believe she has lost all respect for what i do in my role. She used to put me down in front of family and friends but i put a stop to that, well thought i did but it still goes on. All the traits of narcissistic behavior, and i am just exhausted at this point.

Another thing is, i believe there has been infidelity on her part. I snooped for a while and only came up with red flags. My mistake was to confront with just red flags and she got defensive and said she never cheated, gaslighted me like crazy.

Downhill from there, so i kept a low profile snooping and got a VAR. Overheard her repeating text message that could have been considered sent from OM.
Her phone is a work phone and is always locked. I got password and i do look once in a while but only have a minute or 2 to see anything.
It's that gut feeling from the beginning that just won't go away.

My main question would be, i live in CT and if i did file would i get the same treatment as a woman in my state. I would plan on wanting custody of kids.

thanks all!!

[Fatheroffour]

The answer to your main question is no. You will not be treated as a woman.

[hanzblinx]

My ex was a SAHM for the entire 12 year marriage. And she was a woman. She got 18 months alimony at 9% of my income.

So even if you are treated like a woman, don't expect to live off alimony.

My uncle was a SAHD with a mutli-millionaire wife. He got .5 mil of their 3.5 mil in assets. Even with .5 mil in hand, he knew it was time to get a paying job. Also, his wife wanted custody and got it, but soon realized she didn't want it as she was too busy running her company. So on paper she had custody, but in practice he did.

Few years later she shows up at his house with a check for 180K. She said it was for raising the kids. There was no CS order either way.

[walklikeaman]

my ex SAHD got over 50% of my salary in lifetime ss and cs after only 8 years of marriage. (is actually 65% for first 8 years or so then drops to near 50%.) was only sahd for 4 years. i got more custody of kids though I pay cs. he now works. so with his income and my ss and cs, he will get almost 75% of our combined income for life. (i'm facing bankrupcy and foreclosure while he tells kids he's getting a new car and motorcycle.) anything is possible. In my case he got better than any woman ive ever heard of.

[Jwb]

my ex SAHD got over 50% of my salary in lifetime ss and cs after only 8 years of marriage. (is actually 65% for first 8 years or so then drops to near 50%.) was only sahd for 4 years. i got more custody of kids though I pay cs. he now works. so with his income and my ss and cs, he will get almost 75% of our combined income for life. (i'm facing bankrupcy and foreclosure while he tells kids he's getting a new car and motorcycle.) anything is possible. In my case he got better than any woman ive ever heard of.

Holy sh1t what state and county was that in?

[Fatheroffour]

Make sure you consider this.