Ex. kicks minor out of the home.

[ca_mess_beware]

Background: My ex. kicked her children out her home. She filed another police report against them claiming they assaulted her. She has just gotten the home refinanced in her name.

We have joint custody with a 40/60 split in her favor. We also have flexible parenting days.

My ex. refuses to sign the stipulation order papers to start the process of switching custody. She wants the minor to go to a foster home. She will only give them over to my grandparents under the condition she does not have to assist me for medical insurance. She will let me off the hook for paying child support, but expects the extra money can be shifted to more alimony for her. She will refuses to ever pay me child support. She also refuses to work full time and gets money under the table.

She knows it is a lost cause to get alimony lowered and tells me that all the time. She says if I do not pay it will go to arrears which is true.

1) Can I move the child to another school district? Do I need her approval without going to court?

2) Can alimony be increased? If so, what are the chances? Lowering I think is a lost case fighting. I did mine ended in 5 and half years with no way to ask for more later.

3) She sought restitution money claiming abuse. Can she sue for abuse? Is so, from who? One of my kids is now an adult. She tried to go after me at one point and it feel by the waste side.

4) Can you force a kid to go back to moms home?

4) Who pays if the child goes to foster care?

4) Is it possible to report her attorney for continuing these restitution claim?

Most of the reports are bogus and my ex. has admitted to me and the kids she has done them out of spite. She hates me more than ever for climbing out of the restraining order grave.

I can not be let alone from her demanding more money anyway she can get it. Even at the expense of the kids, she continues demanding money because she know the system is not fair.

Any input is appreciated.

[Trevor]

1. You need to file for a change in custody on Monday. Why would you need her to sign a stipulation? She is the opposing party and if her cooperation was required, nothing could ever get done. Call your lawyer.

2. Are the kids with you now that they've been booted from the house?

3. The courts won't order a minor child into foster care unless the other parent is incapable (physically, mentally, or by court order) of parenting the child.

4. Get her "conditions" on the record however you can, preferably in writing or legal recording. She is an idiot to attempt to sell you the kids for financial concessions going forward.

5. You need to get her income documented somehow. You will probably need a lawyer to handle all this, but this is no time to go on the cheap. Get custody of the kids.

6. If moving the kids in with you gets them off the street, that is the chief concern. If you live in a different school district, the move is necessary to keep the kids safe and not homeless. Once you gain primary custody (or whichever term your local courts use) then you can worry about moving the kids back to their school district. Worry about getting the kids safely back to your residence first.

7. Whether alimony is modifiable is up to the verbiage in your current orders. Personally, if my X kicked out my kids, I'd ask the courts for custody, CS, and a termination of alimony. If you don't ask for it, you won't get it.

8. Not sure what you mean by her seeking "restitution money claiming abuse." Is she saying you abused her? Or the kids? Is this a separate case from the divorce? Give us a sense of the timing, too. You posted in the Before and During forum but some of your language suggests you are divorced. When were the kids evicted?

9. What do the kids want? Not sure if anyone can force them back into the mother's home; how old is the minor?

10. Don't even ask about foster care. They belong with you, since the mother booted them to the street. Is there some impediment to you taking custody of the kids?

11. If a case is filed properly by an attorney, you can't "go after them." You fight the case and win it, and if you believe it to be frivolous, then your lawyer counters with a countermotion seeking fees. Is this abuse a criminal or civil matter?

12. You need to control her access to you. If you don't want her to ask you about more money, then stop talking to her. Let her calls go to voicemail, or direct her to email you from now on. As long as you allow her to encroach upon your peace and personal space, you live in discomfort. Fix that.

[Southern.Putter]

Background: My ex. kicked her children out her home. She filed another police report against them claiming they assaulted her. She has just gotten the home refinanced in her name.

The wording "her children" is strange here. These are your two girls, right? If I remember from your earlier posts, one was mid-teens and the other was over 18, so an adult.

We have joint custody with a 40/60 split in her favor. We also have flexible parenting days.

My ex. refuses to sign the stipulation order papers to start the process of switching custody. She wants the minor to go to a foster home. She will only give them over to my grandparents under the condition she does not have to assist me for medical insurance. She will let me off the hook for paying child support, but expects the extra money can be shifted to more alimony for her. She will refuses to ever pay me child support. She also refuses to work full time and gets money under the table.

Well, what do you want for your daughter. If your ex wife won't sign the papers, file a pleading with the court to have the judge order you as primary. Make sure you have bulletproof documentation of your ex having tossed the kids to the curb.

This is URGENT. Maybe your atty should pursue an ex-parte filing seeking emergency relief for the mid-teen's safety? Where is she living? In a car? With you? Seek temporary orders granting you primary custody. Do all this "in the best interests of the child". This is not about you or your ex, it's about a teenager being thrown out onto the streets. Also, ask the judge to suspend your duty to pay CS so that you'll have sufficient funds to support your additional responsibilities regarding caring for your daughter.

She knows it is a lost cause to get alimony lowered and tells me that all the time. She says if I do not pay it will go to arrears which is true.

Do not violate your order without the judge's approval. If you were ordered to pay SS, keep paying it. If you were ordered to pay CS, keep paying it until the emergency hearing suggested above.

1) Can I move the child to another school district? Do I need her approval without going to court?

What does your current order say? Do not violate. What do you want it to say? Ask for that in emergency hearing mentioned above.

2) Can alimony be increased? If so, what are the chances? Lowering I think is a lost case fighting. I did mine ended in 5 and half years with no way to ask for more later.

Somewhere in the past, didn't you say that your alimony was "flexible"? What did that mean? It's possible that it could change unless your original order/decree had wording making it beyond revision.

3) She sought restitution money claiming abuse. Can she sue for abuse? Is so, from who? One of my kids is now an adult. She tried to go after me at one point and it feel by the waste side.

Technically, under the law, she could sue the child over 18 if there was some demonstrable financial loss. Otherwise, I doubt this will get much traction.

4) Can you force a kid to go back to moms home?

Why would you want to do so under these circumstances?

4) Who pays if the child goes to foster care?

You and your ex would probably both be on the hook. However, you're going to ask to have primary custody in the emergency hearing that I suggested above, right? You should fight with all your might and passion against having your mid-teen daughter put into the foster care system. Haven't you seen and heard all of the horror stories about teenage girls being sexually abused in foster care? You need to take a firm stance on this in front of the judge, unless you don't care if she goes to foster care.

If you don't care about her going into foster care, please don't post any more on here. We are all here because we are dads who want to be constructive and actively involved in our kids' lives. I couldn't imagine allowing my child to be put into foster care while standing idly by. The cops would have to hold me down and lock me up, because I would NEVER accept that as an option for one of my children.

4) Is it possible to report her attorney for continuing these restitution claim?

Probably a waste of time. However, each time they file a frivolous suit against you, be sure to file a counter-suit seeking reimbursement of any legal fees you have to spend to defend yourself. Once you have a track record of defeating about three of these frivolous lawsuits, file a pleading seeking an injunction against similar actions in the future. If you win that one, then report her attorney.

Most of the reports are bogus and my ex. has admitted to me and the kids she has done them out of spite. She hates me more than ever for climbing out of the restraining order grave.

You've been on here since last year. Hopefully, you've read "The List" and are documenting/recording all of these admissions by your psycho ex-wife. If so, your attorney can used that documentation to gut your ex during cross examination about her motives for certain actions. You are recording every interaction with your ex, aren't you?

I can not be let alone from her demanding more money anyway she can get it. Even at the expense of the kids, she continues demanding money because she know the system is not fair.

Any input is appreciated.

Yep, definitely not fair. But that doesn't mean you should lay down and die. The system will work for you if you work the system diligently, thoughtfully, and aggressively too.

[justlarry]

I was in a similar situation when Ex kicked my 16 year old out of the house and he came to live with me. Out of anger I made the mistake of telling Ex that son will be with me, my CS will end and she will Have to pay ME CS. Bad move on my part telegraphing my game plan.

At custody hearing Ex showed up with lawyer and said "I don't know what your talking about. I had a disagreement with son but he is always welcome at my house". Judge ordred custody stays the same. That night Ex refused to let my son come to her house. After 30 days with me I filed for custody again. Second hearing a repeat performace of the first. After some more time and son is with me 100% of the time and I am paying her CS I file again. Now Ex's lawyer files a "Show Cause" because nothing has changed since last time. Now judge is angry that we keep showing up in front of him and grants Show Cause and issues a No Change in custody until emancipation at 18. He stayed with me with great improvement in his senior year of high school. I paid CS to an Ex who was not even talking to her son, forget about helping him with my CS $$.

Why all this? Lesson learned. Nail down Custody without mentioning CS as that is all NJ's think about. Once Custody is written in stone for you file the CS modification. Don't reveal your plans!

[Trevor]

Another lesson: Document, document, document. It's not good enough to say it...you have to prove it.

[Southern.Putter]

Why all this? Lesson learned. Nail down Custody without mentioning CS as that is all NJ's think about. Once Custody is written in stone for you file the CS modification. Don't reveal your plans!

This! +1,000
Take heed, brothers, take heed.

[ca_mess_beware]

Thanks for reply(s).

Needles to say, no I do not want my daughter in a Foster Care. I am close to my daughters, almost 16, and 19. What I wanted to know is what monetary motivation my ex. had to bring up Foster Care. It is always money that drives her decision making. Her attorney carefully pulls all the string. The're very good puppet masters if you let them.

I am with with my 15 year 100 percent of the time. My focus is my youngest at this point. We just got a new apartment closer to her high school and I am busy just spending time with her and going through the motions of being a single dad.

I am currently laid off work and missed the boat to lower CS, and SS so I just paid her this month. I have a informal job offer, but there is travel. That is my biggest problem. I can have the older sister 19 watch her, but I 'm reluctant.

I did not file anything because I need to know how to play this. My ex. already contacted her attorney when I said I will take over the 15 year old 100 percent, court or no court, I kept flexible days just because the ongoing problem.

justlarry is correct. I made this mistake by telling her my plans. If you telegraph a blow, make sure you know what to counter. That is the primary reason for staying clam and doing nothing. I knew she call her attorney and be advised what to say. Almost exact words were said as you mentioned.

Thanks Larry for telling what you went through. Yes, this is direction where it seems it headed: more legal billing, headache, and garbage to achieve nothing. All the cards are stacked up high against you if your a guy. The kids get screwed to no end.

I have an appointment with my attorney. He said they just passed on new law where a 16 year old can go in front of a judge and tell them which parent they want to stay. No court battle. Is this correct?

QUESTION: What is new law passed this year (2012) in regards to the youngest age at which a minor can decide on their own what parent they which to stay with?

I was told there where two magic ages for a minor - 14, then 16. At 16 they can go in front of a judge and request whom they which to stay with.

My concern is what Larry described. My ex. is saying exactly that, She now claims she never kicked out the kid. My ex. will then drag it on. That is the history of what has happened so far. I expect that. You have to basically force her in front of a judge.

[Anything4Her]

http://www.seeleymadigan.com/blog/bid/7 ... nt-Changes

Google is your friend.

[ca_mess_beware]

Yes.

That is exactly what the ex. is saying. She uses the exact wording.

So what I did based on Larry's reply was try to send her over again to she if my ex. would again kick her out. I am doing this all before seeing my attorney. I do not want this expensive attorney game gaming as Larry described. (i.e. Going back and fourth with legal to achieve nothing).

Sure enough though, she kicked her out. Now my ex. refuses to talk unless she has proper the legal involved. I sense the same situation.

QUESTION: Is the fact that my ex. kicked her out again enough proof in the eyes of the court to avoid Larry's scenario?


What I would like to do is just paying stop alimony. I know they would put alimony in the arrears, but what if I make a partial payment? What is the costliest monetary penalty? (i.e. If I have pay 10 percent interest, big deal - it's still cheaper than spending money to try to get to it lowered. If I get billed her attorney fees for sending her to court, how can they make me pay it?)

[Southern.Putter]

Sorry, but can't remember enough details from your posts in other threads and don't see it in this one. Is your alimony included in orders that have been issued by a judge? If so, you could be found to be in contempt of court and put in jail until you come up with enough of the arrears for the judge to feel like letting you out. That happens every day in America on child support arrears.

The judge can order wage garnishment, impose financial penalties, and put you in the slammer for failing to comply with an order of the court. They can also make you pay her attorney fees. None of those are pleasant outcomes for you, brother.

Remember, once the judge orders it, it's not longer just between you and your ex. It's between you and your ex, you and the judge, and your ex and the judge. Yes, you've got the "unholy threesome" going, at least that's what I call it in thinking about the relationship between my ex, the judge, and me. Not many "happy endings" in that threesome, either.