Do I pay her? No Court order

[iamhenry]

I've been separated for 2 years now in the state of Pennsylvania. There is no court order telling me to pay my STBX any money. But, I have been giving her some money every month because she has my son. She has physical custody. Do I have to keep on paying her? Did you guys pay your ex-wives before the court ordered you to? By the way, she's really nasty!

[tom kirkpatrick]

You've gotta be very careful about what you do before any court order is issued. In your case, you've been paying $XXX.00 each and every month for the past 2 yrs.

This pattern of behavior is called "status quo." Since it's been going on for a significant period of time it "sets precident" in family court. In other words, the judge is not likely to change it, except perhaps, to increase it. Remember, your tally of bricks must never diminish.

Make sure you clearly mark on your check what these payments are for, "Child support for the month of July, 2012." Also make sure you save every canceled check. If you don't, the judge will say that these monies are a gift to your ex and not child support.

Remember, your ex can come back years later when your child is 17 and claim that you never paid her a dime. Moreover, she can ask the judge for retroactive child support and get it.

You can bet the judge (at that future date) will be more than happy to award her tax-free child support and your sorry @ss will be instantly in arrears or behind bars.

Today's lesson is this. Yes she can have it both ways. This happens all the time.

I trust this makes sense.

Tom

PS - If I were in your shoes, I'd file a Motion and Order for Child Support and have my pay check garnished. That way, I'd have an indisputable record of what I've paid.

Granted, this may sound pretty lame, to voluntarily have your pay check garnished. But when you consider what could happen years later, you may be doing yourself a really huge favor.

This is no nonsense stuff!! I trust we are clear on this.

[stretchkr]

Yes I payed my ex, but she was working with me toward divorce and settlement, not against. This forum is a wealth of knowledge, learn from it on how to do what you are asking correctly.

[SturmDonkey]

In a contested situation, there is no way I would pay a dime, absent a court order.

I have worked hard for the right to spend my money on my children as I see fit. And I will happily spend every last dime I have on them. But I will not allow a third party to use my children as an excuse to milk me for money to support her laziness and her inability to budget.

You have to do what works for you. Take care of your kids. But if you are handing over even so much as a nickle, be very very careful. Divorce is bizarro-world, and being the good guy can cause you pain and grief over and over again.