OWNED (hearing continued)...nice guys...check in here...

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Let this serve as a warning to anyone that's thinking about being nice when you start up your separation/divorce. Get your NJ out of your house by whatever inhospitable means necessary. As everyone here warned me...attempting to be a good guy has completely < edited > me.

I've been paying for EVERYTHING for three months. Waiting until literally the last minute to retain counsel (I just got done with the 12hr drive from NH to VA ) bought her another month.

This email is to let you know that the Pendente Lite Hearing set for tomorrow afternoon will be continued due to the fact that your wife has retained counsel. Please call the office to speak with Ms. xxxx and she will explain the particulars.

Thank you,

[Fatheroffour]

Sorry dude. I tried.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Yup. I'm WAY too nice. It bit me in the < hindquarters >, yet again. I'll have a pow wow with the lawyer tomorrow. I'll see what I can get away with doing.

[Chosen2Dad]

Sorry to hear man...I'm glad I'm not as nice..but hell...you never know where I may end up...

[defaultuser]

Showing normal consideration to your wife during a divorce is a mistake.

Your only concern should be:

1. The children
2. You

If its fair and isn't in your interest, don't do it. Don't play it nice or let your wife take charge or you will lose everything you care about.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

Showing normal consideration to your wife during a divorce is a mistake.

Your only concern should be:

1. The children
2. You

If its fair and isn't in your interest, don't do it. Don't play it nice or let your wife take charge or you will lose everything you care about.

That was the issue....I showed consideration for her kids (4)...not her. If it were just her...I'd have packed her < edited >, left it on the driveway, and changed the locks. I let my attachment to her kids (why I didn't leave five months earlier) cloud my judgment. I should have waited until the following day when her mom would have had her kids...and leave her < edited > outside. Yeah...I'd have gotten hammered in court (which mistakenly was my concern then...not getting her out), but I'd have at least had possession of my goddamn house.

[tom kirkpatrick]

I know I'm gonna step on a few toes here, gentlemen. But, here goes.

There are a few simple concepts that men must put into practice when it comes to divorce. They go something like this:

1) No matter what you've believed all these years, your STBX is something other than your wife.

2) As hard as this is, you must completely disconnect your buttons and begin (for the first time) to act in your own best interest.

3) Whether you like it or not, your children are being used (as pawns) to extract all present and future earnings from you.

Remember, this is about attitude adjustment. Once you learn to connect the dots, you'll begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. What you'll find (albeit too late) is that when all is said and done, you'll discover that none of this is rocket science. The other side is taking advantage of you in full view. Indeed, those who've walked in your shoes can look back with 20/20 hindsight and say, "How true. How true."

You'd best read The List, Bro. Then build a game plan of your own.

Tom

[Anything4Her]

As everyone here warned me...attempting to be a good guy has completely < edited > me.

Learn the lesson and move on. But *learn* the lesson and don't repeat it.

[stretchkr]

I still support my stbx, in most ways both emotionally and monetary for the most part, and I have to be honest it has worked well so far..... Default hearing is on monday, and will take a few minutes and I will be divorced. After that i get 50% parenting time, and pay $308 a month in CS. I keep my 401k, house, car, and all my property. So unless she appeals after (yes I will be cutting her off day after divorce) and somehow wins more parenting time I came out fine, and I was beyond a nice guy the entire time. Maybe I just have a very naive NJ, lucky me.

[BubbaGumpShrimp]

I still support my stbx, in most ways both emotionally and monetary for the most part, and I have to be honest it has worked well so far..... Default hearing is on monday, and will take a few minutes and I will be divorced. After that i get 50% parenting time, and pay $308 a month in CS. I keep my 401k, house, car, and all my property. So unless she appeals after (yes I will be cutting her off day after divorce) and somehow wins more parenting time I came out fine, and I was beyond a nice guy the entire time. Maybe I just have a very naive NJ, lucky me.

Yup. You don't REALLY have a "NJ" if she's letting you get off that easy throughout this process. A NJ knows what she can get away with (not just what she can ask for) and takes advantage of it. i.e. A NJ is someone that threatens to file false DV charges, feels entitled to be supported long-term after a 11 month marriage, can't grasp that a marriage can be left...it isn't a prison sentence, etc.

Edit: Went ahead and hired another attorney yesterday. I get a better vibe out of this one, so we'll see what happens. They've got almost a month to get spun up on my case (have to file a motion of substitution).