The game is afoot

Advice on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation advice for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: The game is afoot

Postby BartSimpson » Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:13 am

Is it so bad you can't meet with her without a third party?

Here's the deal - you can't tell someone the truth in a manner that will predict the outcome. It's the truth that you want certain things out of this divorce - like 50/50 custody - so you need to let her know. If she get's all worked up against your goals, then it's game on.

Mediation is what it is - your timing isn't going to matter if she won't agree to anything. After you have been through it like I have, you would recommend to others that the biggest motivator for a party to negotiate is a looming court date.
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby jumbledone » Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:19 am

The advice is keep playing the game, but don't lay out the cards on the table yet.

Document your time with your kids, document time she is away from the kids (in a disinterested way: STBX left at 3:45pm, arrived home 2:17 am. I made dinner, played with kids in yard, went to library, bathed kids, then put them to bed).

Get a boatload of days like this journaled. You have strike one against you: You're male. Strike two is: She's SAHM. Don't whiff on this ball, otherwise you're EOW, maybe with a dinner thrown in on Wednesday night. Hold back the bile, and stick it out for a few more months before filing. Because once you file, or indicate you're going to file, expect the fight of your life. Best offense is a good defense. And your journal is that defense that will keep you in your kids' lives.
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby kangaroocourt » Wed Jul 11, 2012 9:46 pm

The advice that I have is a little different, please consider:

The odds are stacked against you right now even if you wait a few months (this depends a lot on your state, though). As such I would try to live with the situation until the child(ren) are out of the house or at least past the age of 18. At worst, try to get your wife working full time for 2 years before you file. Otherwise, the risk is just too big that you will get stuck with lifetime alimony/child support/ and a student loan obligation that is the size of a mortgage payment.
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby burned_out » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:05 am

This weekend ill have a documented list of items for discussion and the mediator. Im being assured an even custody...i need to get the chess game further along and some stuff in writing. Thanks for all the suggestions.
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby jumbledone » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:15 am

tightspot wrote:This weekend ill have a documented list of items for discussion and the mediator. Im being assured an even custody...i need to get the chess game further along and some stuff in writing. Thanks for all the suggestions.


Who is assuring you of 'an even custody'?

Is there a cupcake hiding in there somewhere? You were given some pretty spot on advice by a few different guys. Either your lawyer really sucks, or you're not thinking correctly. Either way, adjustments need to be made. You are WAY too nonchalant for this. And it could very easily come back to bite you in the junk, and hard.
What we do best here is help the guys who freeze and need to be jolted into action. - Chasbo

The meaning of life is Happiness. What makes you happy? - Dalai Lama
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby BartSimpson » Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:03 am

If by chess game, you mean using the family law and court procedures for divorce in your state, then OK.

If you are simply trying to out-wit her, play on her ignorance, and think if you get something in writing it's enforceable - tough luck.

And somehow - maybe because you couldn't spell it to begin with - I think you have some misplaced value on mediation - because mediation has nothing to do with fair results.

I would hope that this weekend you spend reading, and then re-reading "The List", create your own list, and putting it into effect. And maintaining Radio Silence with the wifey.
"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.”
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby burned_out » Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:55 pm

The spelling....well I've been working out of town this week. Groovy concept for a 50/50 split. Typing on the cell. if I've come off confused...yeah i am. several great suggestions and i am thankful. Call with my lawyer tomorrow.
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Re: The game is afoot

Postby defaultuser » Thu Jul 12, 2012 8:59 pm

BartSimpson wrote:Remediation is for Hazardous Waste Sites.

Mediation is the word you are looking for . . .

I'm working on a remediation project this week. Contaminated groundwater. I'll be working on my mediation project in a couple weeks. Contaminated mind (the X)
The List
Read it.
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