Getting some control back

[Lostdadof1]

So my STBX is basically doing whatever she wants these days. She is away most nights, and while I am spending my evenings with our child I still feel so powerless. I feel like she has all the cards, and is calling all the shots. Is there anything I can do, so I am not being walked all over. I mean until right now I just focus on him, he is all that matters to me right now, so should I just let her do whatever she wants, and continue to bury herself?

[Fatheroffour]

yes. Document document document.

[Here_We_Go]

having been through the same i wish i had become squeaky clean myself. e.g. all but quick drinking, smoking etc. and as FOF said document. make a calendar showing the nights she gets home after he is already asleep and tie receipts or cc records to where she went to this calendar to substantiate it.

[Trevor]

And don't get your hopes up that you'll be seen as a white knight by the courts.

My X was gallavanting around town party girl with her boss and who knows who else, til the wee hours 3-4 nights a week...and the judge basically interpreted her actions as good parenting because she "ensured the kids were cared for" while she was out (not that the truth is remotely like that last part).

To clarify: I didn't get brownie points for making sure my kids had me around; she got brownie points for not leaving them home alone while she was blowing her boss.

That's the kind of rubbish judges we have here in FL.

[justlarry]

When you are doing what you want then you are not powerless. You want to spend the time with your child. You are getting what you want so right now you do have the power.

If she leaves the house every night at 8:00PM then you could leave the house every night at 7:00PM and do what you want from party hard to read a book in the library. Bet you would feel like crap and therefore powerless because you are not really doing what you want.

[Trevor]

I like it, larry. Good point. Paradigm shift.