WTF over?

[dobradavid]

All righty, posted before, divorcing in Indiana, with a pre-nup and a marriage of 1 year 8 months. STBX left the marital residence with the children in Aug last year.

She filed a CS complaint - dropped for lack of evidence.
First attorney kicked her to the curb
She was arrested in Dec for reckless driving and resisting arrest.
Had a hearing in May that very much went my way.
Currently have joint legal and a 47%/53% physical custody of our 2 children.
She's knocked up by "Mr. Wonderful" - otherwise I'd be divorced by now.
Got a hearing July 31st that i expect to pretty much go my way.

The last couple of times it's been approaching my weekend on the Wed exchange - like this Wed, she mentions as she is driving off that she will not take the kids back until Sun evening. Normally she would have them Friday until 6 pm. This throws a bit of wrnch into my planning, but I've adjusted.

THEN, she calls and leves 2-3 messages - with no coordination - that I'm keeping her from talking to her kids. This is on the Thursday she is scheduled to have the kids back at 6 pm - which she has refused to do.

To me, since I and the kids were out and about, I'm not really concerned about her trying to talk to the kids on a day she passed up being with them. To me this is simply NJ behavior.

Am I missing something?

[Trevor]

What's the problem with handing the kids the phone on that day, after their dinner and homework is done, for a 15 minute talk before bath time? Don't go borrowing headaches.

[dobradavid]

For one, it's summer, and there isn't any homework per se.

For two, the last two times I did it, she tried to promise the kids an activity that was on "my time".

For three, I don't want her thinking I'm afraid of her drama threats. She could call and leave a message to coordinate a call, but she prefers the drama of simply calling out of the blue.

What's the problem with handing the kids the phone on that day, after their dinner and homework is done, for a 15 minute talk before bath time? Don't go borrowing headaches.

[TransAm]

You'll soon tire of putting too much thought into in and just say "here" when the phone rings.

[hoosier_dad]

The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines provides some good background on phone contact and how a judge might rule on a potential contempt charge:

3. With A Child By Telephone. Both parents shall have reasonable phone access to their child at all times. Telephone communication with the child by either parent to the residence where the child is located shall be conducted at reasonable hours, shall be of reasonable duration, and at reasonable intervals, without interference from the other parent.

If a parent uses an answering machine, voice mail or a pager, messages left for a child shall be promptly communicated to the child and the call returned.

Commentary

Parents should agree on a specified time for telephone calls so that a child will be available to receive the call. The parent initiating the call should bear the expense of the call. A child may, of course, call either parent, though at reasonable hours, frequencies, and at the cost of the parent called if it is a long distance call.

Examples of unacceptable interference with communication include a parent refusing to answer a phone or refusing to allow the child or others to answer; a parent recording phone conversations between the other parent and the child; turning off the phone or using a call blocking mechanism or otherwise denying the other parent telephone contact with the child.


Google Voice helps a lot with the random calls because it calls all your phones at once and tracks incoming and outgoing callbacks for future reference.

[dobradavid]

Thank you. This gives me my answer if needed. Note that NJ has also threatened to accuse me of harrassment if I use text or e-mail to coordinate any phone calls.

The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines provides some good background on phone contact and how a judge might rule on a potential contempt charge:

Parents should agree on a specified time for telephone calls so that a child will be available to receive the call.

[aero_8]

It's not reasonable to completely withhold calls. It is reasonable to refuse to answer the phone during dinner, or other activities, and to then promptly call back. I sent the NJ an email telling her that D9 would be available to talk at 7:00 every evening. Before 7:00 we're having dinner, much later, and D9 is getting ready for bed. Call between 7:00 and 7:30 are answered. Outside of that, I only answer if we're not busy, and it won't bother us.

[Trevor]

Hate to say it, but calling out of the blue isn't drama. Making a big deal about her doing that seems the source of the drama. Calling you to coordinate a call - really?

I have always called my kids whenever I wanted to. I call at different times because I want to hear their voices, tell them something, or ask them something. I took care to avoid calling during their school hours and after a certain bedtime hour. Other than that, I don't want anything getting between me and my kids.

While your life may be regimented and on a fixed schedule, I would guess that most people have busy and varied schedules in their lives. Lighten up.

Of course, there is drama in booking events on your time, but that's another issue entirely. And that one's real drama. My X would do that to me all the time.