Having to put my foot down now

[CCR]

What you need is an emergency appointment with a psychologist.

You have been conditioned to be her working slave for so long you have accepted the role as normal.

Others here are telling you what you need to do, yet you remain the puppet of your spouse.

Your relationship is abusive towards you and you need help.

[Fatheroffour]

I'm such a push over and try to be the "nice guy" too much.

The phrase "Nice guys finish last" didn't fall from the sky for no reason what so ever.

Laugh if you want.

[RacerX35]

She is now trying to set up a mediation meeting. I told her no. I have received advice from family that have gone through this to maintain a distance, not agree to anything and not to sign anything. My schedule is pretty busy as it is this month anyway, so I cn put off a mediation for awhile and find an attorney to help in getting my rights straightened out first. I didn't to see if I already said it, but last week she wanted us to remove eachother from our accounts which requires us closing the joint accounts and opening new ones. I did this with my account that day and she started the process. When I went in to adjust my inestment returns to my new account. I checked to see if the current portiont that goes into her account would still go in with my name not being on the account. They replied that it would not fgo into her account with my name not on it. Later, she sent a text that she had opened a new account and asked how that would effect the direct deposits, assuming she had already closed the old one (like a fool). I told her that the money would no longer go into her acount. Her reply was that she would keep her old account open . Of course I called the bank to double check that I could close the account on my own even though she is the primary holder of the account. The bank informed me that I can, so I will do this after work today. She never gave me access to the savings account and as said before I always had to pay a large sum of money to pay her credit card off (Amex) monthly. I now think/wonder how this credit card charge could be so hi for groceries, clothes and gas. Most of the family believe that she was puting a good amount of money aside maybe in cash advances just incase we ever came to this situation again. I know that she can show me all transactions to a year back (since she is the primary card holder), because I can look at all the payments I made year back. Any adcive as to waht I should do? Also she now says anything she does is "none of my business" even with our kids. I definitley disagree with that and we are still arguing over that.


Thanks,

Ray

[RacerX35]

On another note,

I am epileptic, but under control with seizures due to medication and diet change. One of these last days when we were arguing (over text of things) my stress level rose high. I ended up having about 4 minor seizures while driving down into town to take care of some other business. She knows what can effect my control and thinkn that she might try to use that as an angle to keep from having the kids too much out of her sight and control.

[Here_We_Go]

I hope you have moved back in for real...This is one of the most emotional/ highest stress times in your life. (at least it was for me) So try to take a step back and try to look at your situation with zero emotion. I keep seeing you wright that "you never wanted a divorce" unfortunately for you, from your story I would say it is inevitable. So first accept that it is inevitable, it is going to happen, she does not want to be with you. You don't understand what she wants and is willing to do, guess what... the guys here do. She is trying to set you up because she thinks you are a pushover. She wants you to fund the rest of her life and and take your kids away from you as justification. Next you need to disengage with her (take her power away), stop answering the phone when she calls or texts, I know this will piss her off, GOOD. this is going to be on your terms. if she curses/ or verbally attacks you hang up immediately and tell her why. say "i am not going to put up how you treat me. if you curse at me i hang up." Act civil, remember she is trying to scr3w you over You must get in the drivers seat, to some degree you are in it and you do not even know it because you control the money. once she is in the apt change all locks to the house...etc...etc...etc

If you want less time with your kids and a lot less money keep doing what your doing. Otherwise immediately cut her off from any funding and follow the list and advice here. your call.

[Fatheroffour]

Its your duty as a husband and your nature as a white knight to give her what she wants.

I gave mine the best and most expensive divorce I could. She still isn't happy.

[RacerX35]

Here_We_Go, Thanks. That helps out a lot. I'll see what I can change and move on it as quick as I can.

Fatheroffour,,,, That is hilarious!!


Later,

Ray

[Southern.Putter]

She would still have to receive the money from me to live since she does not have a job and probably will have trouble getting one right now.

Guess what? She's an adult and is responsible for living with the consequences of her own decisions. Same goes for all other adults in this big ol' world.

Stop paying for everything for her. Make sure your kids have groceries by purchasing them yourself.

You're operating from a fundamentally-flawed set of assumptions. She's an adult. You don't owe her anything. Think of her as "that lady down the street who's facing some tough times". You don't pay the bills for that lady down the street. You shouldn't have to pay the bills for any adult who is making choices that are hurtful to your kids.

Wake up, brother, and see things for what they really are now. It is what it is.

[RacerX35]

. It is what it is.

You just scared me man. That's the new slogan she has been using lately, at almost every encounter we have. lol

[Txbizman]

Maybe I'm intoxicated but this story is making my head spin....
Did u move back in?

Change of topic,,,, what kind of racing do you do?