Accusations of sexual abuse

[Vega]

OK.. so I have the children a couple days a week during the summer. I took them to my mothers house on a 6 hour car ride and when I returned I started receiving emails concerning their hygiene. I responded and defended against the accusations. Now the emails have turned into sexual abuse accusations. I have a son and two girls. 11, 8, and 4. Sometimes we sleep in the same bed due to sleeping arrangements. The fact that she has even mentioned this is insulting and absurd. What in Gods name can I do to prevent this from spinning out of control and can I do anything at all to defend this? This has gotten me stressed out and I am so upset. Can't I take them to a Doctor or something the next time I have them to prove her accusation false? Suggestions please.

[Chosen2Dad]

That is one way to look at it with the doctor. But the 11 year old should be capable to speak his/her mind as a witness.

A huge investigation would have to be done and beyond a reasonable doubt! I am sure there wouldn't be sufficient evidence, unless there is! Relax...easier said that done...and I know...but you're fine. Let her accuse..makes her look like a wack-job...probably better for you in the end.

[Vega]

That is one way to look at it with the doctor. But the 11 year old should be capable to speak his/her mind as a witness.

A huge investigation would have to be done and beyond a reasonable doubt! I am sure there wouldn't be sufficient evidence, unless there is! Relax...easier said that done...and I know...but you're fine. Let her accuse..makes her look like a wack-job...probably better for you in the end.

OK.. thanks. I only have the children 60 days out of the year due to my work schedule and having to move. I am strongly considering moving into the school district and changing jobs to increase custody due to change in circumstances. She knows this I am sure. I am afraid she is just trying to get sole custody.
She is talking specifically about my girls. Not my son.

Is there anything I can do to have it investigated? I mean I would rather go ahead with it myself and prove my innocence as opposed to having it pop up when I can afford to move.

[Anza]

Vega,

I went through the similar issues when my nj realized she was losing custody and her non factual based TRO was being thrown out.
That evening Child Welfare received an anonymous tip that my daughter was being molested by me.
NJ went so far as to video D3 while triying everything conceivable to coach D3 into repeating nj's claims.
Suffice to say after the DCS and local law enforcement investigations were completed, the case was "found to be without merit". No consequences for the anonymous caller (NJ), no mandated retractions of the multiple Facebook Posts publishing the claims, nothing but "found to be without merit".
It's a $hitty situation especially when you consider the very pointed questions the children are required to answer during the process. The effects or delays that the falsified claim may have on any future legitimate issues the children may experience...and the list goes on.

During my situation I was beside myself with fury for nj and her false claims (just what she wanted). Luckily I was able to remain focused on the task at hand (D3's best interest). Even though D3 was subjected to the process. I found all involved investigators to be professional, courteous and always mindful of potential negative effects when interviewing D3.
I can appreciate how you feel but I would suggest making every effort to cooperate fully with the investigations and the truth should come out.

Hang in there, this too shall pass!

[Fatheroffour]

You moving back won't be considered a change of circumstance. If it were, dads everywhere would be changing their address all the time to revisit custody.

That's why we suggest not falling on their sword as you did. Its not easy to change once you settle as you did.

As far as attempting to be proactive and proving something you didn't do, that's not the way it works. She accuses and has to provide evidence. Enough to sway a save-a-ho judge that's acting cautiously 'for the children'.

60 days a year? Whats up with that? I thought you were fighting for primary and settled for less to keep the peace. It looks like you gave up the farm.

[Vega]

You moving back won't be considered a change of circumstance. If it were, dads everywhere would be changing their address all the time to revisit custody.

That's why we suggest not falling on their sword as you did. Its not easy to change once you settle as you did.

As far as attempting to be proactive and proving something you didn't do, that's not the way it works. She accuses and has to provide evidence. Enough to sway a save-a-ho judge that's acting cautiously 'for the children'.

60 days a year? Whats up with that? I thought you were fighting for primary and settled for less to keep the peace. It looks like you gave up the farm.

I was fighting for 50/50 and went broke. We also filed bankruptcy and I had to write off the final 1500 for the attorney. I had everything I needed to show I was a good dad, including a TPO for a domestic (Which my attorney pressured me to drop) and the judge still slammed me with only 2 days a week. And the temp support payment to her was $1000 more than the final amount so I went broke quick! So I chose to move close to my work so as to not have to make an hour and half commute and still not have custody since she was petitioning to move to MD.
I had originally requested to have a phsy eval done. It was going to cost me like 2500 dollars and when I said I couldn't afford it my attorney said I would lose credibility if I didn't. So I split hairs and moved. I wanted to get a new attorney but couldn't afford it.
I felt like I followed everything to a T and got railroaded into a corner. If I had it to do over I would have just let it play at and took what I ended up with. Now I am fighting to talk to the kids.. she kept them from me one week entirely and my son acts real distant from me now.
I was hoping that a change of job from shift work to a 5 day a week schedule in conjunction with moving close by would allow for a change in circumstances. They used my shift work as a tool to say it was an inconsistency to the children.
Also, my x is living with her sister. So there are 3 adults and 6 children living in a 3 bedroom town house.
After all of this.. I am getting accused of the unthinkable.
X's domestic hearing is coming up on July 12.. so I guess I will know more about that then. Oh well.

[Anything4Her]

I was hoping that a change of job from shift work to a 5 day a week schedule in conjunction with moving close by would allow for a change in circumstances. They used my shift work as a tool to say it was an inconsistency to the children.

It may not qualify for a CoC immediately, but set up your life to facilitate more custody down the road. Yes, move close, get regular hours. Show up at every extracurricular you can, read to their classes. Participate in their lives to the extent you can now and wait for opportunities.

I am getting accused of the unthinkable.

You must feel like you got hit in the head with a fence post. Calm down.

So far, it's just her emails. Radio silence. She's trying to get to you.

If she files with your local child protective services, speak calmly to them, invite them to watch you interact with your kids, *calmly* explain the custody battle. They've seen this before.

I keep saying calmly b/c I remember you can be kinda excitable when you're being attacked. Cool as ice is the way to handle this.

Summary...
Radio silence, wait for developments, move closer

A4h

[Vega]

I was hoping that a change of job from shift work to a 5 day a week schedule in conjunction with moving close by would allow for a change in circumstances. They used my shift work as a tool to say it was an inconsistency to the children.

It may not qualify for a CoC immediately, but set up your life to facilitate more custody down the road. Yes, move close, get regular hours. Show up at every extracurricular you can, read to their classes. Participate in their lives to the extent you can now and wait for opportunities.

I am getting accused of the unthinkable.

You must feel like you got hit in the head with a fence post. Calm down.

So far, it's just her emails. Radio silence. She's trying to get to you.

If she files with your local child protective services, speak calmly to them, invite them to watch you interact with your kids, *calmly* explain the custody battle. They've seen this before.

I keep saying calmly b/c I remember you can be kinda excitable when you're being attacked. Cool as ice is the way to handle this.


Summary...
Radio silence, wait for developments, move closer

A4h

Thank you. So I shouldn't respond to her emails? I feel like when she accuses me of things I have to defend them. Is this true?

[Vega]

Vega,

I went through the similar issues when my nj realized she was losing custody and her non factual based TRO was being thrown out.
That evening Child Welfare received an anonymous tip that my daughter was being molested by me.
NJ went so far as to video D3 while triying everything conceivable to coach D3 into repeating nj's claims.
Suffice to say after the DCS and local law enforcement investigations were completed, the case was "found to be without merit". No consequences for the anonymous caller (NJ), no mandated retractions of the multiple Facebook Posts publishing the claims, nothing but "found to be without merit".
It's a $hitty situation especially when you consider the very pointed questions the children are required to answer during the process. The effects or delays that the falsified claim may have on any future legitimate issues the children may experience...and the list goes on.

During my situation I was beside myself with fury for nj and her false claims (just what she wanted). Luckily I was able to remain focused on the task at hand (D3's best interest). Even though D3 was subjected to the process. I found all involved investigators to be professional, courteous and always mindful of potential negative effects when interviewing D3.
I can appreciate how you feel but I would suggest making every effort to cooperate fully with the investigations and the truth should come out.

Hang in there, this too shall pass!

Thanks for the advice and help. The whole idea of this accusation is insane. I wish there were better laws in place. I can say one thing...I have no interest in marriage again what so ever.

[Chris A]

Thank you. So I shouldn't respond to her emails? I feel like when she accuses me of things I have to defend them. Is this true?

I wouldn't respond.