Sudden announcements

[dobradavid]

Divorcing in Indiana. stbx's first attorney kicked her to the curb. Her second attorney is fairly worthless also. Had her head handed to her in court a few weeks back. She is pregnant thru "Mr. Wonderful" so we can't be divorced until Dec.

Our current court orders provide for 53%/47% custody with holidays and summer vacation to be split evenly. My stbx has a nasty habit of not trying to coordinate anything ahead of time - simply making an announcement at the last minute. Today, the last day of school, she announced that she was taking the kids (D5, S3) for a week, after which I could have them for a week. This is completely out of the blue.

I told her nothing was set until we had coordinated it - which we have not done.

She also had a dirtbag babysitter with her who got out of the stbx's car at the child exchange and tried to tell me:

1. All communication should be thru the attorneys.
2. Tried to approach me and hand me a Indiana child guidelines booklet.

I told her (with video recording on) that I did not know who she was, that unless she was there in an official capacity I did not want her to approach me, to hand me anything, to try to talk to me.

Thoughts? Can I keep wacko babysitters from the child exchanges?

[Fatheroffour]

Can I keep wacko babysitters from the child exchanges

It's a 'free' country. It'll be easier to control how you react than it will be to try and control who she brings to the exchanges.

On the vacation announcement.....

I was looking at the calendar a few days ago and realized I was taking the kids out of town for a week in 10 days and haven't talked to the kids mom about how I was leaving on one of her days so I emailed to ask/notify her. I didn't really ask but apologized for the late notification and told her I was and was open to whatever suggestions she had to make it right. We worked it out and then she told me that she didn't have sitters arranged for the kids this summer and wouldn't be taking the kids all at once. She wanted to get them individually a week at a time over the summer.

That creates some challenges for me but, well, it is what it is. My feeling is whatever I can come up with is most likely a better solution than whatever she can come up with.

I know you are not even divorced yet and there are a lot of raw emotions during that time but the bottom line is that you guys are going to have a much easier time over the next decade plus if you can both be flexible. I know that is a two way street and it's not always possible but like Bear Grylls says, Sometimes you must eat some poo.

It's better to willingly eat a little than be force fed a lot. Hopefully, you guys will get there.

[dobradavid]

FOF,

I understand what you are saying...but I don't want my sbtx to be able to point to a "past practice" of sudden last-minute announcements - any more than I would announce to her that I was taking off with the kids for 6 weeks tomorrow. Being sick or something is one thing, but simply deciding for both of us at the last minute is not in my court orders.

Her fingers are not broken, she can text or e-mail ahead of time for something like this.

Can I keep wacko babysitters from the child exchanges

It's a 'free' country. It'll be easier to control how you react than it will be to try and control who she brings to the exchanges.

On the vacation announcement.....

I was looking at the calendar a few days ago and realized I was taking the kids out of town for a week in 10 days and haven't talked to the kids mom about how I was leaving on one of her days so I emailed to ask/notify her. I didn't really ask but apologized for the late notification and told her I was and was open to whatever suggestions she had to make it right. We worked it out and then she told me that she didn't have sitters arranged for the kids this summer and wouldn't be taking the kids all at once. She wanted to get them individually a week at a time over the summer.

That creates some challenges for me but, well, it is what it is. My feeling is whatever I can come up with is most likely a better solution than whatever she can come up with.

I know you are not even divorced yet and there are a lot of raw emotions during that time but the bottom line is that you guys are going to have a much easier time over the next decade plus if you can both be flexible. I know that is a two way street and it's not always possible but like Bear Grylls says, Sometimes you must eat some poo.

It's better to willingly eat a little than be force fed a lot. Hopefully, you guys will get there.

[defaultuser]

Go by your orders that you have now. If she wants to change them, then just say, "Sorry. I already have plans for that day. Maybe next time you want to switch, you should let me know in advance."

Then, document it. If you don't have orders that dictate your time with the kids, you need to get some.

[minuette]

What do your orders SPECIFICALLY say about mutual communication/notification regarding the summer schedule?

If nothing, you should draft some language to suggest for the final orders. In the meantime, relax. Take a look at the rest of the summer and send her an email if you have anything planned on particular dates.

[hoosier_dad]

Unless your temp decree says differently, Indiana guidelines give both of you 1/2 of summer vacation with the noncustodial parent choosing the parenting time in a single block or 2 by April 1st each year. If the noncustodial parent does not make that selection by April 1 the custodial parent gets to choose how the summer is divided.

Did you make a parenting time selection for the summer by April 1? Does your decree have any specifics around summer or does it just defer to the Indiana parenting time guidelines?

[dobradavid]

Now this is quite interesting. Thank you very much.

Our current orders do not specify who the CP/NCP parent is. Our communication is terrible (her choice). I was hoping to have that established in court in May. It was put back until July. My stbx has a nasty habit of just doing things until she's caught - which is why she's up on criminal charges this month for reckless driving and resisting arrest.

From the guidelines: "The time may be either consecutive or split into two (2) segments. The noncustodial parent shall give notice to the custodial parent of the selection by April 1 of each year. If such notice is not given, the custodial parent shall make the selection. and notify the other parent. All notices shall be given in writing and verbally. A timely selection may not be rejected by the other parent."

No timely notice was given verbally and in writing. No notice was given in writing at all.

Further, Indiana Parenting Time guidelines state that the ncp have the children on Memorial Day. From Friday at 6:00 P.M. until Monday at 7:00 P.M on even numbered years - which she did (it was her usual weekend) so the arguement can be made that I am the cp.

Unless your temp decree says differently, Indiana guidelines give both of you 1/2 of summer vacation with the noncustodial parent choosing the parenting time in a single block or 2 by April 1st each year. If the noncustodial parent does not make that selection by April 1 the custodial parent gets to choose how the summer is divided.

Did you make a parenting time selection for the summer by April 1? Does your decree have any specifics around summer or does it just defer to the Indiana parenting time guidelines?

[dobradavid]

Follow up from my attorney:

Regardless of how wrong sbtx may be, the courts and police aren't really going to do anything about it. Happens all the time.

Now this is quite interesting. Thank you very much.

Our current orders do not specify who the CP/NCP parent is. Our communication is terrible (her choice). I was hoping to have that established in court in May. It was put back until July. My stbx has a nasty habit of just doing things until she's caught - which is why she's up on criminal charges this month for reckless driving and resisting arrest.

From the guidelines: "The time may be either consecutive or split into two (2) segments. The noncustodial parent shall give notice to the custodial parent of the selection by April 1 of each year. If such notice is not given, the custodial parent shall make the selection. and notify the other parent. All notices shall be given in writing and verbally. A timely selection may not be rejected by the other parent."

No timely notice was given verbally and in writing. No notice was given in writing at all.

Further, Indiana Parenting Time guidelines state that the ncp have the children on Memorial Day. From Friday at 6:00 P.M. until Monday at 7:00 P.M on even numbered years - which she did (it was her usual weekend) so the arguement can be made that I am the cp.

Unless your temp decree says differently, Indiana guidelines give both of you 1/2 of summer vacation with the noncustodial parent choosing the parenting time in a single block or 2 by April 1st each year. If the noncustodial parent does not make that selection by April 1 the custodial parent gets to choose how the summer is divided.

Did you make a parenting time selection for the summer by April 1? Does your decree have any specifics around summer or does it just defer to the Indiana parenting time guidelines?

[hoosier_dad]

Our current orders do not specify who the CP/NCP parent is.

The parent assigned controlled expenses is normally considered the custodial parent. The CS worksheet attached to your temp decree should show that info.