I did what I had to do

[Gator]

Today, I went down to the Domestic Violence/ restraining order section of the court house. Since the Emergency Protective Order ends tonight at midnight, I went ahead and filed the paperwork for the longer lasting protective order.

In the affadavit, I described everything that has happened over the past few years. I put down everything she has done to me. I felt like such a traitor. All that time, however, I thought about all the times she stabbed me in the back. All the times she slept with other men, and lied to me about it. I started to not feel like such a traitor anymore.

My main concern was my son. After she attacked me last week, she started screaming at my son. I could hear him crying, but I knew that if I rushed in to help him, she would scream louder and be even more angry. That's when I realized I had to do something to change all this. I had to call the police. What she was doing, how she was screaming at him, was not right. It wasn't his fault that she just wanted more money for something and i wouldn't give it to her.

Tomorrow I go to court to get that more permanant protective order. I asked for the house back. I also asked for custody of my son. I do not plan to exclude her from his life, I just want her visits to be supervised, so that she will be more reluctant to lose control.

I know this is the right thing to do. I just still feel bad about it.

[nighthawk]

So, you feel sorry for her, inspite of her hurting your son?

[nighthawk]

Your concern for her, over rides your responsibility to protect your son?

Of course not, you did the right thing! Protect your kid! Way to go!

[Gator]

No. I feel bad that my son had to see her act like that. I feel bad that he has to hear her call me pathetic. I feel bad that he has to hear her yell and scream when she is angry. I feel bad that he had to witness what she did to me. I feel bad that she took the rest of her anger out on him when she finished on me.

But I also feel bad that she has a problem and I cannot help her. I feel bad that I have to protect my son from his own mother. He loves her because she is his mommy. He doesn't know any better.

Thanks Nighthawk. I am trying to protect him. I want him to be happy and healthy, both physically and emotionally. Still, I have this twinge of guilt. I don't think she realizes that her behavior is unacceptable. In the end, I guess there is nothing I can do to make her see that, though.

[Thoughts?]

Kudos for finding the courage to file for the order and protect your son.

Take a step back, and give yourself the credit you're due -- you need to respect yourself so that you can protect your son. She is abusive, and only she can fix herself.

Your obligation is to protect your child, and to not do anything malicious towards her. But beyond that, she has to realize she needs to change, and start down that road.

[nighthawk]

You are right, save your son! Quit trying to save her! I know it sounds cruel, but it's best!

[Gator]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the responses. It is just very hard to do. Regardless of what she has done in the past, it is difficult to do somehting that will hurt the one you care about...regardless if it is the right thing to do. I just hope she gets help so that my son can see his mother be normal.

[nighthawk]

People only change, when they hit bottom ! You did the right thing for his mother!

[Fatheroffour]

It's a hard habit to break.

[Gator]

Is it the right thing for my son? Probably. I certainly hope so. Her behavior has become more erratic over the years, and most certainly after I came back home from Afghanistan. She's 32 and dresses like a 21 year old (don't get me wrong, she's definitely got the body of a 21 year old), she spends inordinate amounts of time on her hair and makeup, she dresses like she's available all the time. Don't get me wrong, I can understand wanting to look nice, but she looks available...all the time. She's always angry at me. She gets angry with our son very often. She raises her voice at him a lot, and yells at me, in front of him all the time. She's called me names in front of him. She curses in front of him. I have to constantly remind her to not do that any more.

Is this the right thing for her? I hope so. I hope she can learn that our son is a sponge at this age. He is constantly learning. Her behavior is starting to rub off on him. Or maybe it is the other way around. They both throw tantrums when they don't get what they want.

I don't want that child growing up thinking yelling at someone and hitting someone is the answer to life's problems.

Now, am I what the picture above depicts? Probably. Is it a hard habit to break? Without a doubt.