Could use some advice - preparing to file

[chtx]

Hi all,

I have been officially separated from my wife for about 4 months. She moved out (at my request). She has a history of prescription drug problems including several rehab programs. She has been clean for about 4 months (according to her). She has cheated in the past (only admitted one affair but there have been more online and maybe more). She already has a new boyfriend and introduced the children to him without telling me.

i have been paying her support since she left. Enough to cover and apartment and all her current expenses. We have 4 children that live with me at our marital home and she has them about 2-3 days a week. I work from home and travel maybe 4-5 nights per month for work. I want to file divorce and keep primary custody of the children. I thought we might be able to come to an agreement but that is looking less likely now. She has a job now but doesn't make very much and I make significantly more. We have been married for 16 years and she stayed home and didn't work for the past 12 years.

I was hoping to keep the kids 60% of the time and pay her spousal support (I live in Texas). I would also cover all the kids expenses. She wants spousal support and child support (with 50/50 custody). Is this reasonable? Should I stick to my guns and head to court for primary custody and keep only spousal support?

I have been talking to a lawyer and expect to file soon since my wife is unlikely to officially respond with an offer of her own.

Thanks

[jumbledone]

Stop paying her anything, you are setting yourself up for failure. Any payments that you make could become semi-permanent, even if you could have paid her less. Status Quo is king.

Worst that happens is that she moves back in. But then it would cost less for you, and would put a damper on her relationship. Best, she moves in with Mr Wonderful, and you continue to keep custody of the kids. Don't enable her bad behavior.

[defaultuser]

You want to pay her spousal support?

I'd consider cutting her off completely and continuing your situation for a while longer before filing for divorce.

[chtx]

Thanks. I unfortunately cosigned for her apartment and cell phone since her credit is bad. I can terminate the cell phone contract and pay the apartment directly for 3 more months and not give her anything else. (she also has a paid off car and I pay the insurance)

I want my children to be able to spend time with their mom in a reasonable environment so figured paying might help that. I would prefer to stick to spousal support limited to a couple of years. then she is on her own. She realizes this is limited which is why she wants split custody and child support payments from me. I have no idea if she has a chance at getting that if we go through the courts.

[cdavis]

You should certainly take a lot of time to review specific cases in your state. You need to work on documentation of everything and keep the kids with you as much as possible for as long as possible, that would probably help in the custody case. Make sure the needs of the kids are met.

[blueTexas]

I think you have a good shot at obtaining primary custody. Don't give her any more money until it's specified by the court.

[chtx]

Thanks again. I will take time to review specific cases. Also, if I do get primary custody, is it possible that I would still have to pay her child support? (I make almost 10 times what she does)

[MrCoolDC]

Is it a good idea giving a car to someone abusing prescription narcotics? Does she drive the children when she is using?

[chtx]

She completed her program and had to have regular drug tests. I don't have any evidence that she is using right now. She has the car since and uses it to get to work and drive the kids. Not sure there is much else I can do about that.

[Fatheroffour]

Is it a good idea giving a car to someone abusing prescription narcotics? Does she drive the children when she is using?

Pretty sure that's not the case in Texas, though some states are like that.