How to prepare for a divorce?

[Fatheroffour]

Your naivety is understandable.

[defaultuser]

Its not pessimism, its truth. Go look up the case law on it. Time after time, these clauses in decrees are shot down by the appellate courts, even when both parties agree to them.

Keep in mind that she has a constitutional right of free association, and last time I checked, having a different guy in your house every night isn't illegal. Putting that in the decree doesn't stop her from doing it and won't be enforceable, so don't bother with it as it will only cause problems. Lawyers don't mind it because any resulting litigation will result in legal fees in their pocket.

If you have real concerns that your child will be not ok in her care due to the choices she makes, you should fight for more time with your kid.

No one is saying that you don't have a valid concern with your X's choices. We're just saying that you don't have a legal leg to stand on to govern her behavior unless it is illegal or has a direct impact on your child and you can provide evidence that shows direct negative impact on your child.

Before you go on saying that this is obviously bad for the kid, stop. Many, many courts have ruled on the subject, and not a one to my knowledge has come back saying that legal activities in her bedroom away from your kid is harmful to them. If she's giving BJ's in front of your kid, or there is domestic violence happening in front of your kid, that is another matter and one you don't need anything in your decree for.

[going_down]

Its not pessimism, its truth. Go look up the case law on it. Time after time, these clauses in decrees are shot down by the appellate courts, even when both parties agree to them.

Keep in mind that she has a constitutional right of free association, and last time I checked, having a different guy in your house every night isn't illegal. Putting that in the decree doesn't stop her from doing it and won't be enforceable, so don't bother with it as it will only cause problems. Lawyers don't mind it because any resulting litigation will result in legal fees in their pocket.

If you have real concerns that your child will be not ok in her care due to the choices she makes, you should fight for more time with your kid.

No one is saying that you don't have a valid concern with your X's choices. We're just saying that you don't have a legal leg to stand on to govern her behavior unless it is illegal or has a direct impact on your child and you can provide evidence that shows direct negative impact on your child.

Before you go on saying that this is obviously bad for the kid, stop. Many, many courts have ruled on the subject, and not a one to my knowledge has come back saying that legal activities in her bedroom away from your kid is harmful to them. If she's giving BJ's in front of your kid, or there is domestic violence happening in front of your kid, that is another matter and one you don't need anything in your decree for.

Guys, you've missed the few times where I said where even I didn't have full faith in the "over night romantic guests" clause. Every lawyer I've seen has advised against it or wanted to reword it differently. I honestly don't give a crap who she gets involved with. Its the other stuff I was concerned about.

To add some insight, she wanted it in there more than I did. So go scold her.

[Fatheroffour]

Why are you upset that we are telling you your soon to be ex wife is giving out poor legal advice?

Maybe it would help if the OP shared his expectation on what he expects the court to do if his kids mom violates these clauses.

She isn't allowed to have roommates.
* She isn't allowed to have anything less than a two bedroom house or apartment.
* All of the bills are in her name.
* While she is agreeing to no "overnight romantic guests", my lawyer will add language in there that will give her the elbow room to have these guests under reasonable exception, fiancée, for example. It isn't likely that the court will enforce this. But we are both trying to protect the sanctity of the home, for our son.

Remember, these clauses always go both ways. They pertain to the both of you.All we're saying is that they are not an enforceable court order, as you have claimed.

[going_down]

Why are you upset that we are telling you your soon to be ex wife is giving out poor legal advice?

Eh? I'm not upset. And my STBX isn't giving out legal advise. Although you do strike me as someone who has a tendency to purposefully irk someone, and automatically assume they're upset.

Dude, you ain't a blip on my radar.

[Fatheroffour]

But here is the black-white outcome. If this does pass, it is in fact a court order that must be followed. What good is a court order if it isn't followed?

All your ex's idea now, huh?

[going_down]

But here is the black-white outcome. If this does pass, it is in fact a court order that must be followed. What good is a court order if it isn't followed?

All your ex's idea now, huh?

If you are trying to troll, you're doing it wrong. I could offer some free lessons, if you'd like.

[Fatheroffour]

No thanks.

It's just odd that you claim all these clauses you want have "Her" and "She" in them. When told by multiple sources how unenforceable they are and will be they then became "Her Idea".

I'm good at noticing shifting goal post.

We're all on the same team, bud. Just trying to help. You've described your soon to be ex wife as strong willed and stubborn. That means that as long as she agrees with these clauses, as you claim, they're redundant. They are not needed. When she changes her mind...well....you say she is strong willed and stubborn.

That says to those in this forum that have been right where you are today..........yeah......good luck buddy.

So in a way, your idealism would be refreshing except for the fact that a dozen of you new guys stop by for advice every week. You tell us about the law and what some attorney intimated at but you never, ever, come back and tell us how the judge gave you everything you asked for and threw the book at her because her boyfriend spent the night, or the utilities were not in her name, or she failed to produce the drivers license number of her latest lover, she introduced new boyfriend before the 6 month agreed timeline or any number of other clauses guys want to stick in their decree because they're scared of what the future holds. Guys come here and talk for a year about how in their state cohabitation is a grounds for modification of custody and how they're taking their ex to court because they have proof. They ignore all advice to the contrary while they tell others what they should do and file and then one day the court date rolls around for the poster and they're never heard from again.

So I ask respectfully, keep us informed in the years to come of your enforcement efforts on these clauses. Keep checking in and updating us on how the case progresses and how other fathers can follow in your footsteps with the help of your advice. You are not alone and there are plenty of other fathers in worse situations than you that could use your advice to get their kids out of bad situations. Real bad situations. Worse than a boyfriend sleeping over. Worse than not having the water bill in her name.

So please, dont take take the advice given and ride off into the sunset, never to return. The strength of this forum is the collective knowledge of all it's members so please add to it after you go out and learn something.

[defaultuser]

I also wanted to notice some other things that is going into the settlement agreement:

There are some concerns over her new residence:
* She isn't allowed to have roommates.
* She isn't allowed to have anything less than a two bedroom house or apartment.
* All of the bills are in her name.
* While she is agreeing to no "overnight romantic guests", my lawyer will add language in there that will give her the elbow room to have these guests under reasonable exception, fiancée, for example. It isn't likely that the court will enforce this. But we are both trying to protect the sanctity of the home, for our son.
* I think I'm forgetting a few things. .

From my experience, when my X was living in a one bedroom apartment with my two kids and her mother, there was zero I was able to do about it. I went to court. She testified that was the situation, but the court didn't care.

Apparently, being poor isn't a reason that someone can't be a parent.