How to prepare for a divorce?

Advice on divorce for men considering or starting the divorce process. Get marriage separation advice for men in this divorce forum and child custody forum.

Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby going_down » Thu May 10, 2012 3:54 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:What makes you think you have the right to enforce these rules?.

Well, there are a few of things at work here:
* The lawyer, from one consultation, said it was a fair thing to ask for.
* Another lawyer, didn't advise against it.
* As you've mentioned about the controlling ex-wives, I've seen some of my co-workers go through these exact situations. I remember these examples from years before. So, I decided to ask for them too. Turns out, I can ask for such things.
* She actually agreed to them. Keep in mind that I am doing somethings for her, that would inspire her to agree. As long as she agrees, this can and will become an enforceable court order.
* It may also help that I am in FL. The lawyer from my first consultation that FL is progressing in the right direction, not always giving the right-a-way to the wife/mother. "It is no longer the myth", she said.

And if you think about it, he is my son. His safety and welfare are my concern. I'm not just going to sit back and let her live a lifestyle that would otherwise make my son deal with it. Why would I appreciate her living in a single BR apartment? Why would I be happy about her having roommates? Goodness knows where they come from. Etc etc.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby TransAm » Thu May 10, 2012 4:20 pm

You're dilusional.

Pick your battles wisely.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu May 10, 2012 4:25 pm

Mr Brightsides has a brother in Florida.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby defaultuser » Thu May 10, 2012 4:28 pm

I wouldn't waste your time with the overnight guests thing.

Focus on your kid, not her.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby madalex » Thu May 10, 2012 4:30 pm

going_down wrote:* As you've mentioned about the controlling ex-wives, I've seen some of my co-workers go through these exact situations. I remember these examples from years before. So, I decided to ask for them too. Turns out, I can ask for such things.
* She actually agreed to them. Keep in mind that I am doing somethings for her, that would inspire her to agree. As long as she agrees, this can and will become an enforceable court order. .


You can ask for anything you want. STBX may even agree to those things and they may end up in a court order. "Enforceable" is the key word, however, as that is where the rubber meets the road. There will likely be little or no adverse consequences to her for violating some of the items you have suggested and you're just going to be making your lawyer rich by running into court to try to enforce those items.

going_down wrote:And if you think about it, he is my son. His safety and welfare are my concern. I'm not just going to sit back and let her live a lifestyle that would otherwise make my son deal with it. Why would I appreciate her living in a single BR apartment? Why would I be happy about her having roommates? Goodness knows where they come from. Etc etc.


He's her son too and his safety and welfare are her concern as well. She is presumed to be acting in the best interests of your child (even if you disagree). Your attempts to control how she lives her life (just because you don't like how she conducts herself) are likely to backfire on you.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu May 10, 2012 4:45 pm

All these controlling gotcha clauses will be enforced at the speed of law. Meaning, with minimal effort on either parties part, the lease will be up on the studio apartment before it gets in front of a judge only to find out they're SOL.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby going_down » Thu May 10, 2012 4:49 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:All these controlling gotcha clauses will be enforced at the speed of law. Meaning, with minimal effort on either parties part, the lease will be up on the studio apartment before it gets in front of a judge only to find out they're SOL.

You may be right. But these clause are better being included than not.

What's with the negative attitude anyway? I thought this was a forum of support?
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby defaultuser » Thu May 10, 2012 4:51 pm

When you're making bad decisions, you want some feedback on that, right?

We support you but that also means helping you to understand when you're focusing on things that aren't useful.

This isn't the kind of support you'd get from a mother's group that says, 'you go girl' . You will hear it like it is here.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu May 10, 2012 5:11 pm

But these clause are better being included than not.


Not necessarily. These are the clauses that put attorneys kids through college and buy them vacation homes.

The court will rule by the best interest standard. If you can show a threat to the child, you don't need the clause and just because you have the clause doesn't mean the courts will change the parenting timeshare if they violate it.

Its common strategy to agree to unenforceable clauses to get the deal signed so just because she agrees means little. Its not against the law to change ones mind and if the state allows a single parent to rent a one bedroom aopartment, or have a roomate, then a clause in a parenting plan isn't going to force the courts to remove the child from the home because you don't agree.

To wrap it up, we read lots on what people think is enforceable and we read lots of ideas on what people think are good clauses to force their ex to live by but we are very very thin on stories from dads returning from court on what the courts actually enforce except for alimony, child support, forcing dad to pay for something extra and parenting time as outlined in the parenting plan. That you believe all these clauses are enforceable is simple counter to the thousands of cases of collective knowledge, experience and umpteen millions of dollars paid in legal fees of this forums membership.
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Re: How to prepare for a divorce?

Postby going_down » Thu May 10, 2012 6:55 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:Not necessarily. These are the clauses that put attorneys kids through college and buy them vacation homes.

What does that even mean? Just because that clause is there, doesn't mean theres extra money changing hands. Citation needed.

Fatheroffour wrote:The court will rule by the best interest standard. If you can show a threat to the child, you don't need the clause and just because you have the clause doesn't mean the courts will change the parenting timeshare if they violate it.

No one said anything about violating a time-share. But here is the black-white outcome. If this does pass, it is in fact a court order that must be followed. What good is a court order if it isn't followed? I think you are also forgetting this is an uncontested divorce. There's no mud-slinging...yet.

Fatheroffour wrote:To wrap it up, we read lots on what people think is enforceable and we read lots of ideas on what people think are good clauses to force their ex to live by but we are very very thin on stories from dads returning from court on what the courts actually enforce except for alimony, child support, forcing dad to pay for something extra and parenting time as outlined in the parenting plan. That you believe all these clauses are enforceable is simple counter to the thousands of cases of collective knowledge, experience and umpteen millions of dollars paid in legal fees of this forums membership.

With this negative attitude, its no wonder that divorcing dads get screwed sideways. Folks like you don't encouraged these guys to ask for. Anyway, if I'm to attain any type of victory, I have to maintain a certain level of enthusiasm. At this point, I don't think I can address any more of your pessimism.
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