How to prepare for a divorce?

[going_down]

Good morning fellow community members! I recently found this website, and have been reading the financial forum all night. I am finding some valuable information in here. Thank you for this service.

I have questions that span a few topics, so please forgive me if this seems long winded or even filed in the wrong section.

I am living in FL. 35 years old. After 25.5 months of marriage, my wife tells me that she wants out. We have one child together, S1.5. She has two others, S10 from one marriage, and a D9 from a one night stand. Classy girl, eh?

I don't know if the other stuff is important. I owned my house before the marriage, and a few other assets. But, I make 60K yearly net. She was recently reemployed, making about 12K yearly net. Before that, she was unemployed for about 15 months, leeching on unemployment benefits. She wasn't really looking for a job, to be honest. She has some job interviews, but nothing really panned out. As if she wanted it that way.

The day she told me that she wanted a separation, she wanted to move out, but not divorce. In FL, we don't have a legal separation status. Besides, I've read that separations don't really work. While I was initially shocked, and opposed to the idea of separation, I eventually came around to appreciate the idea. Except I proposed a divorce instead. She accepted the divorce proposal rather quickly.

So the typical discussions were had: What do you want? When are you moving out? What do you want for child support? What do you want for alimony? etc etc...

She doesn't want much in the way of assets. I don't think she can get the house, since it was mine prior to the marriage. She basically wants all of her own stuff back, plus a few things that I purchased for her during the marriage. The one thing she keeps bringing up is money. She wants half of my savings account, about 25K. She wants half of the 2011 tax return. She also is pushy about financial assistance from me, child support and alimony. Again, she is one classy act with bringing up the money issues, amirite?

I've already proposed a couple of things. I've indicated that I am interested in helping her financially. While I've tossed a couple of numbers out there, I've always stated that I NEVER agreed to anything. This has been vocally as well as written, in chat.

I've told her that I am opposed to just giving half of the savings account over to her. This is due to the fact that she has never once contributed to it. I've also told her that this savings account will be paying for the divorce and everything associated. She didn't seem to like that part.

I've also explained that if she wants this money so bad, its probably best to do an uncontested divorce. Otherwise, the money will be depleted, going to lawyers, legal costs, etc. She seemed to accept the idea of an uncontested divorce.

I've also consulted with a lawyer, don't have them on retainer. I've got a parenting plan document. NJ seems like she wants to swap my S1.5 out every few days. I'm cool with 50/50 joint and physical custody.

(I think that sums up the big stuff)

So, here are my questions:

1) I understand that alimony laws in FL have recently changed. Can someone from FL, recently divorced, give me some insight to what I may owe this NJ in alimony. I want to state that I am all for giving this NJ her independence. However, I am not interested in subsidizing her lifestyle. Can the alimony be negotiated b/t us, or does a judge have to get involved in that part? Keep in mind, uncontested divorce is what we are currently shooting for.

2) How does the parenting plan work? Again, I understand that it is filled out by the parents. But does this document have to be filed somewhere? Does a judge have to get involved? At what level can we do this ourselves, without losing our heads or our wallets?

3) I don't know if I can ask this in a nice way... Can an NJ be bought out? I've offered to cut her a check, instead of giving her half of the savings account. She didn't seem opposed to the idea. But again, will this all jive with an uncontested divorce?

4) I want her out! I think it'd be better for both of our heads and hearts, the quicker she moves out. Would I be setting a bad precedent if I purchased her first month's rent some where thats NOT a scummy neighborhood?

5) I think its agreed up that she is going to move out before the divorce happens. She can't keep living here for free. At what point do we arrange the child support and alimony? I understand there is a status-qou thing here... Maybe someone could give me some insight to this?

Other things: I've read the List. It has good information, even though its a little dramatic. I've consulted one lawyer. However, I don't think I'll be going with her. I will be pursuing a lawyer that is familiar with dad's rights in family law. I've started minimizing my asset worth, cash and physical.

Incase I've missed something, feel free to correct me or offer me advise. Thank you, in advanced to all those who help.

Kind regards,
going_down

[jumbledone]

Leave alimony out of it. You were married for 2 years, so she thinks she can take some of your earnings? There should be no reason she should be entitled to anything.

Impute her wages, run the calculator at 50/50 custody, and offer that as your ongoing financial support of your (actual) child. If you think it will grease the wheels and hasten the divorce, slide a bit more to her contingent on a non-contested divorce.

Now, you go to lengths to paint your STBX as a 'classy' gal. What happened in just over 2 years to cause you to move apart? I think I smell a cupcake/Mr Wonderful in there somewhere.

Best thing for kids is to grow up with both parents in a stable house. Why would you want your toddler to not have the best possible upbringing? Why do you seem resigned? I'd be in there swinging to try to right it, as that is much easier (and cheaper) than resigning.

[madalex]

I am living in FL. 35 years old. After 25.5 months of marriage, my wife tells me that she wants out. We have one child together, S1.5. She has two others, S10 from one marriage, and a D9 from a one night stand. Classy girl, eh?

And yet you married her anyway.

[Fatheroffour]

*****Paging default user. ******

Going down, What are your goals in this divorce?

[defaultuser]

I think she can forget about alimony. Depending on the state of the savings account before the marriage, she may not get that either.

Depending on your differences of income, you won't pay a terrible amount of money in child support with 50/50.

But.... If you start figuring out your rights and going after what is fair. She'll see that she's not going to get a big fat check out of you every month. That's when you need the List, because she will very likely use dirty tactics to get what she wants, even though she'll be screwing her kid out of a father in the process.

I would seriously look at paying her off to keep things civil. At this point, attorney fees would end up costing an estimated 10k if she fights you some and more if she puts up a good fight. You may also get stuck with her attorney fees.

How much do you make? How much does she make? If you tell me, I can let you know how much you'd be looking at in CS in Florida. As far as primary parent and all that, it isn't a concern in FL. There isn't even the word custody in the laws anymore. All you do is define a time-sharing agreement, and parental responsibility which is decision making...

You may consider doing something like this:
1. Make a comprehensive list of what you want and what you're willing to pay in a lump sum.
2. Take that to an attorney to draft up a settlement agreement.
3. Get her to sign off on it and then have the attorney file all the paperwork, and you got yourself a quick divorce.

I would also think about the possibility of leaving the support amount out and getting the 50% thing done first, especially if she's not going to like the support amount.

[CCR]

Let's see....she has 3 children with different fathers....that makes 3 child support orders.

By definition, her job title is a child support collector.

Assets accumulated during the marriage are split. If you had $20K in savings when you married and now it's $25K, you split the $5000. If it was $30K and now 25K, you owe her nothing.

The 2011 tax return is a joint asset.

No chance for alimony after a 2 year marriage. None. Don't pay anything voluntarily.

[going_down]

Let's see....she has 3 children with different fathers....that makes 3 child support orders. By definition, her job title is a child support collector.

I should clarify: These two children don't live with her. They live with their dad(s). She is the one making child support payments to them. Believe me, she ain't sitting around collecting a pay check.

No chance for alimony after a 2 year marriage. None. Don't pay anything voluntarily.

This is the part that concerns me. I'm kind of caught in the middle. I want my son to have the best upbringing possible. While I don't want to pay alimony. Is it possible that I could make a gift payment, after the divorce? Or do I just have my head up my butt?

How much do you make? How much does she make? If you tell me, I can let you know how much you'd be looking at in CS in Florida. As far as primary parent and all that, it isn't a concern in FL. There isn't even the word custody in the laws anymore. All you do is define a time-sharing agreement, and parental responsibility which is decision making...

I make 85K gross/60 net. She makes $10.00 an hour. Her hours vary. I think she will average about $250.00 net every week, $1000.00 net every month. She may gross $350.00 - $400.00 per week. I've gotten all kinds of numbers. I've seen CS values range from $900.00 on the high side to less than $350.00 on the low. I need a good solid number. Also, I may want to impute her at her previous job's rate: $17.50 per hour, full time. She wasn't looking to hard for work, during her stint of unemployment. Would I be rocking the boat if I have her imputed at a higher rate?

Going down, What are your goals in this divorce?

Hi, I want her to get on with her life. I want access to my son as much as possible. But I want his mother in the picture. While divorcing NJ, I am aiming for the best deal for my son and my wallet. I don't care much for most of the assets, except the savings account and the care. Everything else can be repurchased.

And yet you married her anyway.

Touche! Since you're a wise sage, give me advise on what I was supposed to do. She was pregnant with my son. And she didn't look like she had any bright prospects in her future. I don't regret marrying her.

Impute her wages, run the calculator at 50/50 custody, and offer that as your ongoing financial support of your (actual) child. If you think it will grease the wheels and hasten the divorce, slide a bit more to her contingent on a non-contested divorce.

I was thinking of imputing her wages at her previous job. However, I wonder if that will rock the boat? The last thing I want is for her to get a lawyer and try to fight back. Currently, I think we both want 50/50 time-share (custody, legal and physical). Could you elaborate more on "slide a bit more to her contingent on a non-contested divorce"? I am interested in paying her off a lump sum out of the savings account, maybe not half. I am also interested in giving her money for child support. However, I don't want to over do this. I want to hit the sweet spot. Ya know?

Now, you go to lengths to paint your STBX as a 'classy' gal. What happened in just over 2 years to cause you to move apart? I think I smell a cupcake/Mr Wonderful in there somewhere.

It's quite possible there may be a cupcake in there somewhere. IMNSHO, I think the marriage was a forced thing, square peg, round hole. She was pregnant with my son. During the pregnancy, I think we were happy, excited, and maybe even a little scared. While that did last for a little while. It can't go on forever. NJ comes from a long line of proud, strong-willed, stubborn ladies. I can't really jive with a personality like that. We're both not happy and I think we want to make it right. Yet, we don't know how to fix it.

Another note on the cupcake: I've encouraged her to start dating other guys. If somebody else was treating her right, she wouldn't be a thorn in my side.

Best thing for kids is to grow up with both parents in a stable house. Why would you want your toddler to not have the best possible upbringing? Why do you seem resigned? I'd be in there swinging to try to right it, as that is much easier (and cheaper) than resigning.

I agree about the stability. I can offer her and my son that. However, I just can't get along with her anymore. She is emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Our marriage counsellor accused her of bullying me, if you could believe that. I don't want to paint a one-sided picture here. I can be a bully too.

Anyway, she wants out and I don't want her here. That being said, I am trying to do right by my son and finances.

[going_down]

I also wanted to thank all of you for your prompt replies and commentary. (All of) Your advice can and probably will save a lot of heartache and frustrations. Thanks!

[MrCoolDC]

A couple of comments. First, consider yourself lucky. If you think she's entitled now, just imagine what she'd be like after 20 years of marriage! Second, see a therapist yourself. You've got problems too, if you got roped into a wedding with a woman like that. You'll repeat the pattern if you don't get some help.

[defaultuser]

I make 85K gross/60 net. She makes $10.00 an hour. Her hours vary. I think she will average about $250.00 net every week, $1000.00 net every month. She may gross $350.00 - $400.00 per week. I've gotten all kinds of numbers. I've seen CS values range from $900.00 on the high side to less than $350.00 on the low. I need a good solid number. Also, I may want to impute her at her previous job's rate: $17.50 per hour, full time. She wasn't looking to hard for work, during her stint of unemployment. Would I be rocking the boat if I have her imputed at a higher rate?

I think your numbers are more or less accurate when it comes to support. Depending on how much she pays in support for her other kids, it would affect how much you pay I think. I'm guessing the amount would come close to $500.

You can pay her alimony if you want to. The nice thing about alimony is that it is tax deductible.

As far as imputing income, you aren't the one who does it, the judge is. This means you can ask for the judge to impute income and present evidence that she is underemployed and can make as much as your requested imputed amount. This would only happen in the case that you aren't able to come to an agreement between you, so yes, it could rock the boat.

If you think alimony / CS could sweeten the deal and get you what you want, go for it.

I'd look for something like this:
-50/50 custody with a very well worded decree that allows you to take her back to court pretty easily if she does bad things to your kid.
-Something like $500 a month in child support, =/-20%
-To make the thing go away, offer $500 a month in alimony for a year and a lump sum payment of $5,000.

That, together with another $1500 for an attorney to throw it together would be a very good deal for someone with a kid that was 18 months old. I'd offer that and if she was ok, I'd accept immediately, as the alternative would be to fight it out and spend all your savings with an outcome likely to be less than 50% with a child so young.

If you do come to some agreement you must work really hard on the part of the agreement where it says what you'll be obligated to do as parents. Come here for help.