Torn apart in WA state. Advice needed.

[tomahawk]

I appreciate the responses guys.

[stretchkr]

Ugh, been here, though not for 8 freaking years. Usually a clear sign she is getting that emotional < edited > from someone else. Every woman needs it, so if its not from you.... You get the picture. I'd say she is involved with someone else, but thats only cause my stbx was fckng another guys brains out while I wasn't getting any.

[Mattie]

She denies it and says "when exactly do you think I'd have time for that"?. She's right.

It sounds to me like she may have unrealistic expectations for herself. Two young kids, demanding job.... Is she the kind of woman who would believe that she needs to work as hard at her career as a single childless woman, and who needs to spend as much time with the kids as a SAHM? Because something's got to give, and it sounds like if things don't get turned around that something will be your marriage.

Will she go to counseling with you? If she is really running herself ragged that would explain the lack of libido (as could age and/or hormones), and unfortunately if she's exhausted all the time sex can turn into something else to check off her "to-do" list. You've got to try to make her understand that you and the kids don't want or need a "perfect" wife and mother - but you do want and need an imperfect, flawed, happy, healthy family.

[Oneforthree]

First, step outside of yourself and look at her. How does she dress for her job? Many affairs occur in the workforce and sex comes in parking lots.

Blackberry has a hide function for its apps. And a blackberry messenger is an internet based text using data, hence you wont see texts on a bill. She could absolutely be communicating. Does she have a security lock out on the phone? Is it always on silent? Does she carry it around on her person always, even at night?

Does she stay up late or retreat to herself at night? What is she doing?

If you suspect a affair, hire a P.I. to snoop. It just may give you a reason to either kick your marriage into shape or out the door.

If you think its just "worn out love", then do something. Start by looking at yourself. Your wife needs to get in touch with feelings for you again. And you do that by being a masculine male. Be a better man. Not that I am suggesting you aren't perfect now, but do you act and behave in a respectable manner? Or are you the man that represents what is desirable? Are you actually whining about not getting laid or do you look and act like a man that turns her feelings on so that she desires you?

That being said, you have work to do, regardless of what path you have chosen.

[jay]

Stay close to your children and document everything you do with them. You said your children are young. If I were you I would cut down to part-time work in order to spend more time with your children and become the primary caregiver. Tell your wife you are cutting back on work to devote more time to her and the marriage.

In a situation like this the wife might decide to grab the kids and go to live with Mr. wonderful. Or just get space to "find out what she really wants."

Sometimes if the woman see what a dedicated father a man is, she will respect him more. In any case, more time with the children increases the chances you won't lose them in a divorce.

[Trevor]

I'm aligning with the "she's having an affair" partisans. Unless she is fat and unattractive and embarassed to take her clothes off in front of a man, which is what my X said caused her lack of interest in sex, no healthy adult person should have zero sex drive. That needs to be fixed; and it can be fixed. It is not the whole marriage but it is an important and irreplaceable "chair leg."

[Rhet.] Question: what's the condition of the short-hairs? If she keeps the chucha trimmed up, then I'll bet there's a reason for it, and it's someone else's tongue.

[defaultuser]

I'm interested to know. I think I stand alone when I say that I don't think she has a romantic relationship outside the marriage.

I'd like to find out if I'm right, but in the end it really doesn't matter too much. Protect yourself and prepare for a divorce if that is in your future.

[hoosier_dad]

She denies it and says "when exactly do you think I'd have time for that"?. She's right. It's very unlikely

That response is pretty common for spouses that are cheating in the workplace. That's come up a few times on here where the guy agreed there was no time for the spouse to be cheating so he believed her 100%, only to find out she was banging the boss or a coworker.

[Txbizman]

She's having an emotional and probably physical affair, work related. Women want someone to talk to, guys want a warm place to put it.... It's a trade off.

The reason she can't stand sex with you is because in her mind she wants to believe she isn't a cheater and can't be with more than one man at a time or she would feel like a wh0re. As jacked up as that sounds remember women are emotional and men follow logic. The other reason she can't stand sex with you is because your no longer new or fun like the dude at work. The excitement and rush of keeping a secret and sneaking wild crazy sex whenever they can is better in her mind than what she has at home.

Better start digging. Then you will know where you stand.

Surprise visit to work with flowers? Maybe lunch? Once or twice a week. Look for the guy that avoids you.... That's him.


Just my distant observation. Mostly based on my experience and that of others on here.

[tom kirkpatrick]

FYI Gentlemen -

A good deal of my family court experience, much from which The List was derived, was the result of a nasty parenting action my son went through in Seattle.

Let the reader understand, Seattle prides itself as being (uber) progressive.

Translation = In spite of what "they" tell you, fathers don't stand a prayer in family court, especially in a venue like Seattle.

In today's world, every father must believe this without question. Make no mistake. This is your axiom, your premise, indeed your very starting point of reasoning in this feminist-domonated arena of the family court industry.

Granted, to say that The List stirs controversy is gross understatement. I would rather say that The List has kindled a long overdue conversation among fathers caught in the throes of family court. The barrier to overcome however, is the decades-long brainwashing, indeed the very grooming, men have undergone since early childhood.

To the newbie, I say this. Step out of "the box" and observe our social mores more closely. Who is favored, and who is not? It doesn't take rocket science to conclude that a very well-established, a well-entrenched "structured mothering cult" exists in virtually every genre of our western culture.

For example, consider Mother's Day. It's not merely a celebration of motherhood. It's become a platform to demand evermore "equal rights." Trouble is, there's nothing "equal" about it. Yet, we've come to accept it as is, virtually without question.

To the uninformed I will say this. The day will come when you will have wished you had paid closer attention to those principles laid out in The List. As you shall discover, hopefully not too late, The List is for those who have dared peer across that cultural divide and have caught a glimpse of the horror that lies in their not-too-distant future.

As many have concluded, no pretender could have authored anything close to The List. Not only was it difficult to write, it was most difficult to use, especially against someone who bore my children and someone I loved most dearly. Indeed gentlemen, this is the very barrier unsuspecting fathers fail to overcome. And simultaneously, it is that same barrier (reinforced by deeply entrenched social mores) that is used against us by the family court junta.

To those of us who have been there, this makes perfect sense. On the other hand, the unbelieving newbie must be converted. Difficult though it may be, the sooner this occurs, the better.

I trust this makes sense.

Tom