Is this a good plan for divorce?

[stretchkr]

After spending hours reading posts, and getting advice, I have a plan I think for getting what I want from the divorce, and what my kids need. Going to wait, and stay in the house, and document everything I do for the kids, from taking them shopping, doing homework, going for walks, everything. And I'm going to document the time my STBX is out of the house, doing whatever with Mr. Wonderful, for the duration, until I file. I'll be Mr. nice guy, and make her affair easy, and encourage her to leave the house all the time. She has agreed to do a mediated divorce, which i will be going for 50% custody, and after talking to a laywer, I have a cs amount in mind, same for asset distribution. This wont happen for some time, months from now as she is seeking a full-time job, and is trying to move out. I'm going to give stbx plenty of time to be under Mr. Wonderful's spell, and get some income, and in the mean time, I'll be documenting everything. Then when we go to mediation, or if she stonewalls me and continus trying to use me, if I can't get what is best for myself and the kids, I will have the peices in place to fight her for custody if need be.

[defaultuser]

With what you're talking about the only change I would suggest making is that you should go for primary custody.

Also, when you document, don't forget to get as much other evidence as possible. Stuff like receipts from the doctor's office or what not showing you were the one to take them.

[stretchkr]

If we wind up fighting, I will definetly go for primary, but just to settle, without spending a ton of money, and dragging it out forever, I would accept 50% in mediation, or more really, whatever she agrees to, but at least half time. Since were mediating, I will try to get as much as i can, but i don't want to go for too much, and have her fight it. It depends on where she will be living too. If its in some dump, or if she continues to downward spiral as a mother, the custody i would fight for would change as well.

[defaultuser]

I understand where you are coming from. When you do file for divorce you should ask for primary. When you go into mediation, you should evaluate the situation and come in from a position of strength.

If she's more interested in getting out of the marriage than getting primary, then you should leverage that.

The reason being is that a primary residential parent has long term effects on your finances and your rights as a father. It would be very nice to have.

I for one would rather support my children directly than pay someone to spend my money however they choose.

[BartSimpson]

All I would add is make sure you have a "Plan B" for when Mr. Wonderful kicks her to the curb.

Statistically, they have a less than 5% chance of making their relationship work - and that's if everything goes their way. Mr. Wonderful isn't likely to be mature enough so I'd give your wifey a very low chance of seeing this work out. It won't. Dude's a loser whose getting some MILF and talking about it much differently to his pals. He's not looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his little affair woman; and everybody knows once a cheater, always a cheater.

Then wifey will be left jilted, angry, embarassed and looking to blame someone for her mistakes - guess who?

"Plan B" is getting her to continue to move out, find a job, and leave the kids with you in the absence of Mr. Wonderful.

[stretchkr]

Thanks guys.

[Bubba Seal]

S your state will have a guideline for child support, if you can get her to agree to less, more power to you, but she can always come back for more.

You will need solid evidence she is seeing someone, like a PI getting pictures, this can cost you, on that thought, in my state I had the PI turn the evidence directly over to my attorney, I never saw it, if you touch it then the other side can ask for it, if you dont touch it or look at it and hand it over to your attorney then its attorney client privilege.

You seem to have a good basis of a plan, and dont seem to be emotional about it all, thats great.

Good Luck

[stretchkr]

I guess, I'm not going to try to prove the affair, more prove that I am the one caring for the children most of the time, and she is away from them. I've slowly started taking the parenting duties from her, that she was doing, but not too much so it seems obvious what I'm doing. Just seems the better plan so it doesn't seem like I'm using the affair just to get back at her by taking the kids. I do have some proof, a really, descriptive note that i found, describing the afair, so i scanned it and saved it, just in case it comes up that she tries to deny it, I could discredit her.

[hoosier_dad]

I might have missed it in your previous posts, but what state are you in? Your approach sounds good as far as custody is concerned, but if you are in an alimony state where an affair is a factor you'll want evidence of it.

[stretchkr]

I'm in Minnesota.