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coparentchamp wrote:Ours was a lawyer and mediator - she was great. We stated what we were looking for...an amicable divorce - and she helped to make it so. She praised us on keeping our extended families noses out of the process, and for always keeping the kids best interests in mind. We met in the same room together 3 times - 1st to get the lay of the land, 2nd to go over the legalise of how "what we wanted" was going to work in the real world, 3rd to go over the final "offer" to the courts. Then we had a "signing party".
Our only hiccups was CS & alimony - I really didnt want any...but because he made well over 5 times what I did (I was back in college after 5 years of raising kids when we seperated...and had a FT "slightly better than peon" $25K/yr job to pay the bills) - the courts "frowned upon" zero funds changing hands. She let us know the bare minimum that they would accept me taking, and we set it as such. I waived all alimony rights - it's his education and hard work that earns his paycheck, not mine. Custody - we were adamant that we had 50/50 - it was 10 years ago...so it was greeted with skepticism - but we prevailed.
She brought to light number of things that we never would have thought of..ie; child care, education, schools, medical care etc...so she saved us from making a lot of errors. It helped to discuss and come to these decision with a legal party in the room...not only to bring up the questions that needed answering, but to guide us on what was legal and what was not. She called him out for being an at times, but also called me out for not thinking of my future enough (for the record - I did just fine on my own...the CS still helps...but it's mainly so I can afford to semi-match him level of cost of living ie; vacations, kids clothing, toys, 529 plans...etc...). She jumped in when discussions about the items in the house became tense - she kept us focused. And when we both teared up at the signing...she was there to calm us both.
In the end - we were both able to walk away feeling comfortable in our plan for the future. And to this day (although I am sure he still resents the piddling amount he is required to send me - despite his income more than doubling and the CS never changing), we can still work together in the best interests of the kids, we socialize together in groups (I "play well with others"...so I can grit my teeth through his sarcasm most of the time)...all in all - we are on good terms - and a lot of that is due to the mediator in the beginning - taking us by the hand and leading us through the scary process.
defaultuser wrote:I hear you. There are lots of male NJ's out there too. I know some.
We forget sometimes, because this board is meant to promote father's rights that the pendulum often swings both ways. Most guys are here because they are trying to fight an unreasonable woman.
The guys that come here with a NJ attitude get chased of pretty quickly. Even faster than the women who want to post a lot of drama (you don't appear to be one of them).
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