It's finally over, 2 years, went to trial, got my results...

[Hawaii50]

Not sure how to feel right now. We settled custody out of court. I took the EOW on the advice of both my therapist and my attorney. This works out to around 14% of the children's time vs 86% for her. Here is the twist. I got 89% of the assets vs. 11% for her. Not sure if I should laugh or cry. Just glad it's over. I think everybody ended up a loser in my case.

My divorce started with domestic violence plus protective order. Wife had asked me to move out the week before and I refused. I didn't read the LIST. A week later, the police moved me out in handcuffs. Didn't get to see my children for many, many months. My son cried and was afraid of me the first time we were re-united. It's been awesome ever since.

From the beggining I was working from no contact, so it was very hard just to get the EOW screwjob. Therapist convinced me quality was more important than quantity in my case. Wife refused to settle on property. She turned down many extremely generous offers. She insisted on trial. She was on a 2 year domestic violence power trip. She gambled and lost big time.

She had two very high priced attorneys (one an ex-judge) and I have one "affordable" associate from a very good firm. We won. I thought my lawyer did a noticeably better job controlling the client (me) and presented a much more focused and persuasive case. The judge apparently agreed and actually gave a disclaimer when he awarded the extremely slanted distribution.

Thanks for this great board. I didn't really post here very much, because I was very lucky to find a terrific therapist, but this board always came through when I need crucial advice. Thank you everyone.

For the first 3 months when I was forceably ejected from my home with just the shirt on my back, I came really close to suicide. There wasn't a subway train entering the station I didn't want to jump in front of. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't take my own life. I'm glad I will be around for my kids. Divorce sucks big time. The discovery process is like a daily anal probing that lasts 6 months. Just super happy it's over, but sad for my family at the same time.

Always, always tell the truth in court. I think that was the biggest reason I won the property battle.

[Chosen2Dad]

I am happy for you Hawaii if you are happy. I know how you feel. while you only have 14%, that can increase over time. Quality as you say is far more important now...then time will increase eventually. At least you got the asset part taken care of now in your favor, so you know she cannot touch that over time. And you're right, everyone loses, especially the kids.

I can only imagine the roller coaster of a ride...I'm glad it's over for you. I hope mine will not be 2 years! Too bad you're not in Jersey, I may need a therapist.

Best of luck moving forward!

[lohe]

4 years ago I was in almost the same position as you are Hawaii.

Today I have almost 50% custody and state laws are changing to mandate 50% custody by the end of the year.

Keep your head up and your goals in sight. Things will get better if work towards making them better!

[Trevor]

Tough story, but I think your attitude is a good one. You got what you got, and understand the value of your parenting time and will strive to increase it, going forward. Use that 89% to make the kids' lives as good as possible with you.

[defaultuser]

I suggest that you do your best to make nice with the X for now and try and get any additional parenting time. Make it easy for her to drop off the kids so you can pick up extra time.

I have a couple questions, just to help us guys out here:

1. If you could, would you reverse the situation, giving the X 89% of the money and getting the kids?

2. Can you explain in a little more detail on how you were able to win the financial settlement? Did she get exposed for a liar in court and get punished for it?

[Hawaii50]

I suggest that you do your best to make nice with the X for now and try and get any additional parenting time. Make it easy for her to drop off the kids so you can pick up extra time.

I have a couple questions, just to help us guys out here:

1. If you could, would you reverse the situation, giving the X 89% of the money and getting the kids?

2. Can you explain in a little more detail on how you were able to win the financial settlement? Did she get exposed for a liar in court and get punished for it?

According to my lawyer custody is never really settled. I hope to get more time when the kids are older. Everyone from my ex-Probation Officer to my therapist tells me to just focus on the kids and I've found it to be solid advice.

1. The X is a good Mom so I wouldn't change it. I will ask for more time when the kids are older.

2. Never underestimate the power of dumb luck. I've had a few days to think about it now. The wife's high priced lawyers were just bad. Two examples. Her attorney kept using wild hand gestures and dramatic speech during cross. My 'affordable' lawyer just laughed during break. It's a bench trial, save that jury stuff when there is actually a jury. Also her ex-judge attorney kept using 'We' when speaking with the judge. I think the results of using 'We' with the judge speak for themselves. Never underestimate dumb luck. Any other state or a different set of lawyers and I could be crying right now for sure.

[Fatheroffour]

You're thinking is completely wrong. Good moms don't cut good dads out of their kids lives.

[Hawaii50]

You're thinking is completely wrong. Good moms don't cut good dads out of their kids lives.

Point taken. Ever since I got my kids back from no contact, I've been focusing on being the best Dad I can be. The kids are the last area the X has indirect control over me and she's no gonna give that up easily. Coming from No Contact, I had no chance in a custody battle right now and my lawyer told me as much.

My ex-wife originally did not want to put the children under the protective order. The Violence Against Women Act fem-Nazis talked her into it and told her without it I could take the children out of school (like why the hell would I want to do that??). Needless to say, I will not be voting for Biden and his POS VAWA in November.

[BartSimpson]

My ex-wife originally did not want to put the children under the protective order. The Violence Against Women Act fem-Nazis talked her into it and told her without it I could take the children out of school (like why the hell would I want to do that??). Needless to say, I will not be voting for Biden and his POS VAWA in November.

Here's an analogy as to how much *talking into* that femi-nazi had to do:

"Would you like fries with that double-cheese burger?"

[Fatheroffour]

Yeah, quit making excuses for your evil bltch sorry mother of an ex wife.