Wife Left Me After Becoming Pregnant with Planned Baby

[joeviking11]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Missouri

Here's my situation:

My wife and I had recently moved 2 hours from where we lived. We moved because I had just gotten a new job that would be able to take care of our financial needs and we could start our family. She did not want to move, but I explained that we really had no choice, mainly because she did not want to work and at the time, I wasn't making great money and we were still trying to pay for our actual wedding ceremony (we were legally married in a courthouse). So she agreed. When we got here, we started trying to have a child. We were trying all the way up until she got pregnant. 5 days after we had just moved in to our own apartment (we both signed the lease) and bought a ton of furniture and stuff, she took a pregnancy test and was pregnant. We had been living in this new location for only 5 weeks and she got pregnant as soon as we started trying, maybe even the first time. We were happy. Then, she just kinda snapped. She got furious with me because I was upset that she would not call for an ultrasound, after we found she was pregnant. Its not that I didn't want to do it, but because I was in charge of all the finances and did most of the cooking and cleaning, I felt she needed to start doing things if we were gonna have a child. She left for a week to stay with her mom. She claimed at the time she never wanted to leave me, but just needed to clear her head. I didn't make a big deal because I knew she was just finding an excuse to spend a week at her mom's. When she came back, she apologized, but more of the same. After just a few days, she exploded again and told me she was leaving for good. I begged her to reconsider and offered to make changes and we could visit her family every weekend, etc. She still refused and was going to leave. Before she left, we had agreed to see each other every weekend and weren't "separating". As soon as she got there, a family member died, so I came and comforted her. We spent the night holding each other. When I left, she gave me a nice hug and kiss and told me she loved me. Later that day, she contacted her ex. After that, we were done. She claimed we were separated and that she had no feeling for me when I comforted her and didn't love me. Even after this, for about a month, I did everything I could to work things out. I came up there for a few dates, at her request, only to be ignored and informed she was falling back in love with her ex. Everytime I was there, she made a point to let me know that no matter what, we weren't getting back together. She also seemed emotionally messed up as she began talking about me as though I was a monster, when I never did anything but love and took care of her. Eventually, I couldn't take the competition with the ex and told her that if we were going to try and work things out, than she needed to quit talking to him, which she declined, so I turned off her phone and spoke with her mom. Her mom was very against her daughters decisions and thought she was stupid. Her mom told me that I should leave her alone and focus on my work and that she would do her best to make her daughter see how good she had it with someone that loved her dearly. Instead, my wife just started a relationship with the ex and forgot all about me.

A few key issues with my wife. She was molested by her step father as a child. He is now in prison for it, however, she never received psychiatric or any help for that matter, even though she was court ordered to. Her mother is still married to the man and visits him in prison. She has been in some horrible relationships. The ex she is with now, has choked her in the past and treated her like dirt. He also does drugs and stuff. My counselor told me that my wife suffers from being used to having bad things and bad relationships with men, so when she had a good one, her mind made her believe she was in a bad relationship and needed out. Everyone else I spoke with and other counselors have said the same thing. Being taken care of and having good things was something she could not handle.

Its been almost 4 months since my wife left and she is due in August. I have no contact with her. I could facebook her a message, but her replying is doubtful. I was able to go to her first 2 doctors apointments, despite being 2 hours away, but missed the last one due to being out of town on business. At these appointments, she ignores me and everything. I told her that when the baby comes, I would like her to stay with me, with baby, because I feel its best. She declined and wouldn't discuss arrangements with me.

I have contact with her family. There are ALL pissed at her, think she is stupid, they all hate the guy she's with, all love me, all want her back with me, and no one supports her decisions. She now lives with her brother because of this. No matter who she lives with, she will not have a room to herself. Its possible she would be living in a living room with the baby. She also has no money, car, etc.

I would like primary custody of my child. I have a room ready for them. It is decorated for a child. I also have a ton of clothes for them, and all other baby things needed. I do not want to talk with a lawyer at this time, because I don't want to deal with that as I'm still really sad my wife left.

I have googled this situation left and right and can find no information. I guess my situation is that rare? I came across abandonment. Would my case qualify for that? What about my wife leaving me with this stupid apartment lease? I know the courts always favor the mother. If the mother has done what she has, has no permanent residence, money, baby stuff, and could have mental issues from not receiving help, than how could they still favor her? That may be hard to answer. I guess I just would like to know what my options are or what I can claim to help my situation?

[Trevor]

The baby is probably not yours. That pregnancy test that she took with you was probably not the first one. I can imagine a scenario where her f-buddy knocked her up, which prompted the effort for "you" to get her pregnant, then magically a few days later the + appears on the pee-test. You need to make sure you protect yourself against a woman who would do this to you. If you don't, she could end up living with her f-buddy and their child, with you writing them monthly checks for 18 years. Sweet for them, not good for you.

Study paternity statutes in your state and do not fail to have a DNA test done on the child when it's born. Many states have a "putative fathers registry" and you need to understand how that works in your state. Google it today. I believe when you register for that, a DNA test is mandated...if you are the father, you will know for sure, and if you are not, your divorce will be much easier. Do not sign an acknowledgment of paternity at the hospital, be sure they know you are requiring a DNA test.

[joeviking11]

No baby is mine. I'm not in denial or anything but from the time she had her lady period till the time she got pregnant we were inseperable and never left the house alone. There's no way it could be anyone else's. So people can scrap that idea because I'm sure others will mention that. Plus that's another thing that doesn't make sense how we were so close and just like that she left

[Trevor]

Don't be an idiot. Get the test done. If the baby is yours. nothing is lost.

[Trevor]

Plus that's another thing that doesn't make sense how we were so close and just like that she left

It makes perfect sense, this is also why she didn't want to leave where you were living before. Don't be a chump.

There is NO downside to the DNA test. And it could simplify your life significantly.

My prediction is she will blow up when she is at hospital and finds out they are doing the DNA test. She will be mock-offended, but the truth is more likely she is afraid of the truth being revealed.

Dude, just get the test done. I guarantee you will sleep better at night knowing the child is yours, espeically now that she is openly having an affair.

[capslock]

Hate to sayt it but Trevor has probably nailed it here.
It is a tough reality, but makes a lot of sense.

A couple things for you viking-
1. Spotting can happen with a woman after conception giving the impression of a period.
2. Pregnancies aren't really 9 months. They are closer to 10 I think. Always confused me, but like 39 plus weeks. Check your math again.
3. If you were together the whole time, how were you working your new job?

Take the test. Either way it sounds like s tough situation.
If it is the other man's you don't want to be obligated for 18 years as Trevor mentioned.
If the baby is yours, maybe the wife will allow you to keep her in favor of her moving on with her new man or new life.
Keep working hard and saving your money between now and August. In any scenario, you will need money for an attorney and/or a baby.

The apartment management company will seek full payment regardless if you wife left. You can not simply pay your half. If it is too much for you to pay, speak to them and beg for sympathy to end the lease early is about all you can do.

Good luck to you. We've all been chumps at some point. Listen to Trevor.

[Fatheroffour]

I'm not in denial

Yes you are and not just about the baby.

[defaultuser]

I'm not in denial or anything but from the time she had her lady period till the time she got pregnant we were inseperable and never left the house alone.

Either that, or she got pregnant and missed her period, then screwed your brains out so you'd think it was yours and told you that she had her period...

Also, there is nothing that says you can't have a period when you're preggers. Some chicks have them up until the time they give birth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I59OQfBfnbM

[Fatheroffour]

What newly expecting mom (who 'tried' to get knocked up) doesn't want to rush off and see the ultrasound, get the printout and show everyone?

Something is seriously wrong.

[Txbizman]

You're in MAJOR denial. She's been communicating with the ex longer than she's telling you. Get the freakn test man.... Don't be captn save a hoe.... That's someone else's job now.