Anyone ever see a child exchange proceedure document?

[dobradavid]

I saw one once and like a dummy did not download it at the time.

Anyone ever seen a child exchange process/procedure document? My stbx is more concerned with drama then a calm, peaceful child exchange.

Something with a quasi-official source should help - I intend to introduce it at our 31 July hearing.

Ideally, mentions parents remaining in vehicles, remaining quiet, etc., etc.

[Fatheroffour]

Who are you wanting to convince, her or the judge?

Get it put in the orders.

[dobradavid]

Guide her, have the judge order it to be followed. She's unbelieveably unprofessional, childish, etc...

I saw one once and like a dummy did not download it at the time.

Anyone ever seen a child exchange process/procedure document? My stbx is more concerned with drama then a calm, peaceful child exchange.

Something with a quasi-official source should help - I intend to introduce it at our 31 July hearing.

Ideally, mentions parents remaining in vehicles, remaining quiet, etc., etc.

[Fatheroffour]

Practically speaking, I don't think contempt for getting out of the car or speaking during a child exchange is going to be very enforceable. Expensive and time consuming for sure but not very enforceable.

If you could control her like that, I'm guessing you would have made her a good wife.

Best of luck though.

[dobradavid]

And the original question/request remains.

Practically speaking, I don't think contempt for getting out of the car or speaking during a child exchange is going to be very enforceable. Expensive and time consuming for sure but not very enforceable.

If you could control her like that, I'm guessing you would have made her a good wife.

Best of luck though.

[Bubba Seal]

LOL, I think you can put a place in there to exchange, thats what was originally in mine, it was half way between her place and mine, but these days we just go to each others house.

Never saw one where you had to remain in the car and not talk, I think thats overdoing it, but thats just my 2 cents.

In the longrun the less legal things you put in there the better, cause they can be turned around on you, even thou initially you think they are a great thing, think long and hard on this.

Good Luck

[defaultuser]

A friend of mine had similar concerns. His X was doing nutty things during exchanges.

We sat down and worked out exactly what actions he needed to take to get what he wanted. For example, he parked relatively far away from her car. If he got their first, he'd put his car into a spot where he could wait for her to show up before he pulled up. If she approached his car, he'd lock the doors and leave the window up, and tell her to send him an email or text. He said his goodbye's before he got there.

I think the hardest thing was when his X would run up to his car and open the door to get the kid out. He ended up locking the doors on her and told her to back off and not touch his vehicle.

It was difficult for him because she would often send others to pick up his kid, which he will not exchange with (per orders) and he would have to wait until she showed herself before sending his kid over. She had tinted windows and her friend always drives her around and she sits in the back.

In the end, the best exchange situation is when you drop off the kids somewhere and the X picks them up later.

[Chosen2Dad]

They say if you can get along...anywhere...or else it goes like Bubba says from my friend's experience...otherwise, you could do it at the Po-po station..and with my NJ, it may be safer...

[hoosier_dad]

Unfortunately you can't regulate stupid in your decree, and if she has that little self control the added language will have no impact on her anyway.

The state guidelines already have some language on hostility and exchanges that you could ask to trigger:

"Parental Hostility. In a situation where hostility between parents makes it impracticable to
exchange a child at the parents' residences, the exchange of the child should take place at a neutral
site."

Otherwise I think you protect yourself with a voice recorder and witnesses when available. If her behavior doesn't improve it gives you a potential contempt issue in your pocket for the future.

[SoccerDadinCo]

Dobradavid,

I dealt with a similar situation with my ex. It was a coin toss whether or not she was quietly or openly hostile. If she had a bad day or if I was a few minutes (<10) late due to traffic or if bought D7 a snack while we waited she would exit her car and immediately start berating me in front of D7. I tried many times to avert this "I will not fight in front of D7, if you have an issue send me an email" etc. It didn't change anything.

D7 spoke about this with her counselor several times and the counselor told us both that the confrontations were affecting D7. That didn't change the ex's behavior either.

A few months back the ex wanted a change in the parenting agreement and when I wouldn't give her what she wanted she filed a contempt charge. I met and talked with my attorneys and when we discussed the confrontations and the ex's interference at the exchanges they drew up a counter motion which included:

A designated spot for exchanges
A stipulation that neither parent leave their car to prevent confrontations in front of D7.

Her motion was rejected and mine was accepted and put into our agreement.

I agree with others that this is a bit extreme but when it affects your children you do what you must. The exchanges have been much better for D7 since it went into effect so I feel it was a good decison.

Best of luck