what a week

[granitedad]

so just an update from NH.
I usually work earlier hours tues and thurs so my NJ can go to her AA meetings.
this tuesday around 1, she IMs me at work and says she is not going to her meeting that night, so I can work late if I want.
NJ and her attorney filed ex parte an hour later to have me removed from house. This came out of nowhere as we had been getting along just fine for the most part. She had made me dinner the night before and we watched tv with one of our sons. It was filled with lies and gross exagerations about my drinking, just a complete character assasination.
The judge denied the ex parte and scheduled a hearing in April. Needless to say, there is not one drop of alcohol in the house and I have not even sniffed a beer in a week.
That night, when I did get home from work, NJ, S5 and S1 were not there. I went for a run to clear my head, took a shower and around 730 she called me to tell me that she was staying at her AA sponsors apartment that night. Hangs up.
Long story short, she has refused repeated requests to return the children to the marital property.
Wednesday, she worked 1-9 so the kids were not even with her, they were with her AA people instead of their own home with their father.
thursday, her attorney assured my attorney that she would be bringing the children back to the marital home, but she didn't.
Friday, I finallly got an address for where she was staying, but my lawyer felt it was a trap waiting to happen if I went over there to get my children. After repeatedly telling her that I would call the police if the children were not in their home by 6, I called the police. I knew they would not do anything, but at least it's on record.
Saturday, no word from her. My mother drove by the address, said its a dump. she worked 1-9 so again, the children were with her AA people instead of in there own home with there dad.
7 am this morning, she texts me telling me that I havnen't made one attempt to reach out to speak to my children. I responded with my lawyers advice once again, please return the children to the marital home immediately. No response from her. Other than my responses of please return the children to the marital home immediately, its been complete radio silence on my end which has been tough since it means i haven't seen or spoken to my kids in a week.
So, tomorrow my attorneys are going on the offensive.
From what I can tell, she has not done herself any favors. I believe we will be filing ex parte tomorrow for the return of the children and exclusive use of the marital home.
What do you think the chances are of having our filing approved? She can't get away with her actions can she? Her ex parte is denied so she runs off with the kids?? that just can't be acceptable.
Been a tough week.

[anonymous guest]

I hope you are following the List as she just declared war on you.
I think you are doing the right thing by filing ex parte for return of the kids and use of the home. I hope it goes well for you.
She has attacked you on alcohol use in the past, right? And again, now.
I hope you don't drink a drop until all of this is settled. Not saying there is a problem, but if you can go into court and say "I have not had a drop to drink" then that should set her back if that is her main attack on you.

[granitedad]

thanks for your response. yes, it became apparent that it was war. I haven't had a drop since and don't plan on it. If I can make it through the worst week of my life without drinking, i dont see it being a problem moving forward.
Their attorney came in with an objection full of lies. just downright lies, I couldn't believe would be allowed submitted to a court.
the good thing is that even though they did not approve my ex parte and order the children back to the marital home, they did move up the hearing to this Wednesday.
So, hopefully some truth comes out and my children are returned to their home.

[anonymous guest]

Wow, what was the reason for not granting the ex parte?

It is good you got the hearing moved up to this week. Do you have enough time to prep and review your case and evidence?
The other side will say anything. I've experienced it myself, and my lawyer said that they can pretty much say anything. But, he said, if they can't prove anything then it doesn't matter.

What are your STBXs main complaints against you? Have you prepared rebuttal evidence to discredit them?

Focus on the kids, not on responding to her lies. She can lie all she wants, but unless she presents evidence it doesn't matter.

[granitedad]

I really don't know why they did not grant the ex parte. I really didn't think you were allowed to remove children from the marital home. They are trying to say I am angry and have made it impossible by my actions and words for her to feel comfortable returning home. I'm guessing if I took the kids last week and refused to bring them back she wouldn't be sending me daiseys.

Of course I am angry, but on attorneys advice I have maintained radio silence since she left with the exception of repeating, "when are you going to bring the children back to the marital home" when ever she texts me. She basically, out of the blue went to court to have me kicked out of the house and estranged from the children. I'm not sure who would be happy about that. But, I just want my babies back in the house. I'm angry, but not mad if that makes any sense. I try to keep myself above the nonsense as much as possible. My attorney advises me not to engage with her but it does make me feel horribly guilty that i have not been able to see or talk to my children in a week.

As far as prep and evidence. I'm just trying to get my children back in their home. My one year old back in his crib. My 5 year old back with his toys and his fish. Our temp isn't until the middle of June which maybe will change due to her actions.

Her case to have me thrown out. Her points were, I had a few glasses of wine before I came home from work 2 weeks ago(my company has wine and beer for the employees every friday night, been like that for the 5 years i have been there,nothing new.)

She says I had 4 cocktails and 10 beers the night of the Super Bowl( She wasn't here, I didn't have 14 drinks, I think that would kill me, plus I was too stressed out by the game. I had a witness who was at my house that night write an email to my attorney about the night who doesn't drink, and her attorney asked for it to be stricken from the record as it is not sworn under oath. )
She said I took a 30 pack when I went camping with my son last summer. Really? Listen, I could not tell you if i took a 30 pack, or a case of beer, or a 12 pack when I went camping last summer, but I do remember that I brought a cooler full of beer and soda home because it sat out on the back porch for weeks. But yeah, she really had this in her motion.

I think the only other thing she had in there was that I binge drank every night during Christmas vacation. I watched the kids every night as she was either at AA meetings or working. I have to be honest, I would never leave my children with anyone who was binge drinking. The only 2 nights she was home was Christmas night, when she put out a wine glass on the table for me, and another night when my son and I made a homemade sauce and pasta, and I had wine with dinner that night too. I enjoy wine with Italian food. Nuts huh?
Never been arrested, never been DUI'd, never had one of the children hurt in my care, never passed out in front of my children, never lost a job because of drinking, the only person that has ever brougth it up would be the alcoholic NJ. It's just the way it is and obviously until she is out of my life, I am going to have to live by her rules when it comes to drinking. I've accepted it, just want my babies back in the house.
My attorney requested that I bring a couple character witnesses Wednesday. 2 of my best friends. ONe is a recovering addic and alcoholic who has been sober for over 15 years, the other one attended AA for over a year when he was going through divorce with his wife and he has witnessed some of the cultish behavior that can occur. I'm sure its good for some people, but it's not for everyone.
I'm pretty much as low as you can get today, but hopefully tomorrow is a better day. People tell you this is not going to be easy...but man, I don't understand why it has to be like this.
thanks for listening.

[Fatheroffour]

They throw out whatever they can just to see what sticks and there are plenty of instances when things stick with no evidence what so ever.

I saw it in my own case several times as well as having something witnesses testified to as well as the petitioner and respondent corroborated exactly what the witnesses said and in the final ruling the judge still said he didn't believe it.

Best of luck with the hearing.

[granitedad]

Hearing in 2 hours. Could use all the good vibes and prayers you guys can muster. I really appreciate all the advice as well as everyone sharing their stories.
This site means a lot.

[capslock]

Respect the judge and procedure. It helps. Best of luck.

[defaultuser]

Don't get upset. Be calm, cool, and collected. Present the facts.

[Chris A]

Hope it went well.