Venting....

[michael123]

So it's mother's day. Still with the wife so I thought I'd be nice and get her a present from me. Kid also got her a card and candy etc. So she opens my present (bracelet) and says "this isn't very pretty" I turn and say "what!?" Then she says, "I'm not going to wear this" I give her the stink eye...next words out of her mouth "You're an < patoot >, thanks for ruining my mother's day." Her nutjobedness is wearing on my last nerve. We have our issues, but hadn't had a spat for awhile...for her to act like this shows her true colors. Maybe the bracelet is ugly...at least I tried, be F***ing gracious! Sorry for venting, don't really having anyone to talk to about this because I'm following the code of secrecy and I just needed to get this out. The things I put up with for my children.

[03SONIC]

That was not very nice of her, sounds like my STBX. File and be done with her, you need to find someone who appreciates you and the things you do. I cant stand women like this. You did the right thing, dont let her tell you otherwise.

[Trevor]

Return the bracelet and take your kids out with the cash.

[Fatheroffour]

The kids got her something, as they should for mothers day. Why you would buy the woman you're divorcing a gift is beyond me. Its not 'nice'. Its whupped.

Thankfully for you she confirmed for you why you're divorcing her.

[secondhalf]

You were being baited into a response that would make you look bad. Hope you just ignored her.

[brknhrtdad]

I took my kids to the arts and crafts store so they could make cards for moms day(thats what they wanted to do). I told the nj I did just and said I hope she would do the same for me.,did I get a thank you NO.

[michael123]

The kids got her something, as they should for mothers day. Why you would buy the woman you're divorcing a gift is beyond me. Its not 'nice'. Its whupped.

Thankfully for you she confirmed for you why you're divorcing her.

A little backstory, i'm not divorcing her, that may come in the future. Kids are very young...measured in months not years. So from what I've been told, I'll have a better shot at custody if I wait until the kids are a little older. So basically, I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation as long as I possibly can. If I can put up with hell for a few years and the trade off is more time with my kids, I'll take it.

[Fatheroffour]

In that case I understand why you would buy her something. I gift not from the heart but one to feign some sort of normalcy to buy you time with the kids and assist in building your case for custody.



But you knew she was a < female dog > when you bought it so next time maybe sit down with the kids and make her a card with construction paper and markers. Then take the money you save on a gift and split with the kids to Chuck E Cheese.

[Trevor]

1. At a minimum, you should get into couple's counseling immediately, even if she has post-partum depression. That should be treated as well.

2. Get a vasectomy too; you cannot afford to knock her up, and I say that from the kids' perspective, the ones already here and any not yet conceived.

3. Get her back into the workforce as fast as possible, none of this SAHM rubbish.

4. Take some parenting classes now, first aid/CPR, stuff like that, to benefit your kids but secondarily to document your commitment to parenting.

5. I understand your point about the ages of the kids, but I know exactly Zero people whose parents "stayed together for the kids" are thankful for that. I think your misery will bleed over onto the kids, careful as you might be, who will grow up potentially in a loveless home and might think that's normal or healthy. It is NEITHER.

6. Personally, I'd push for counseling and if that doesn't net marked improvement in the short term (say 6 mos) then I'd be filing for divorce. You can surely negotiate for 50/50 and if they try the "tender years" garbage then you can fall back on a step-up plan to get to 50/50 in a year or so. Do not assume that you will be an EOW parent just because you are Dad.

[Max]

2. Get a vasectomy too; you cannot afford to knock her up, and I say that from the kids' perspective, the ones already here and any not yet conceived.

Man... I'm having sooooo much internal conflict with this one. I agree. I really do. But to give you a different perspective...

I got snipped and stuck it out another 10 years or so. Entirely too long. Now after things have settled and I'm again happy in a relationship and things are really looking up, I thought about something. Kids with a new wife, should I decide to get married again.

If you get snipped and wait it out for too long your odds of reversal are ugly and it costs about 8k to 12k ballpark with no 'guaranteed or your money back' deals.

IUI - $300 for a consult, $700 for an HSG, $500 for sperm + $175 shipping and handling and $500 for procedure. So $1000 to start and about $1200 per attempt and they say 1 - 3 attempts. This is without the $3500 fertility meds.

IVF - Ballpark $12k and a risk of twins or more.

Just saying... Way your options VERY carefully. A $500 vasectomy can become very expensive later. But on the upshot I find I chase cars a lot less.