my story :)

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Re: my story :)

Postby hoosier_dad » Thu Dec 22, 2011 12:51 pm

The journal is of great supporting value, but it's not exhibit #1 in your evidence and you should not rely on the judge to go through every detail of a long journal. The goal is to produce relevant summary evidence that is supported by the journal, as well as use the journal as a reference for your own testimony. Many don't even submit the journal into evidence.

I'll give an example from my case. My journal supported summary evidence that included pie charts showing parenting time for both parents and other care providers, as well as a simple color coded calendar that showed my ex's nights/evenings away from home. These simple one page exhibits painted a surprising reality compared to the doting SAHM portrayed by opposing counsel and was supported by a very lengthy detailed journal that was also submitted into evidence.
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Re: my story :)

Postby Here_We_Go » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:12 am

Thanks for your help. I think I will use a calendar showing what day stbx does not see s4 for more than 2 hrs. <-I will create this to show lawyer

Update...- I have 2 months of journal activity now. I feel mentally ready to get this over with but planned on waiting until the end of March for a couple of reasons. (1) January to early April is my busy season at work so I will have to work more hours. Usually I would demand her help, not this year, I am going to start logging into work from home after s4 goes to bed. The reason this makes me want to wait is that I do not want to neglect the divorce proceedings, which could be unavoidable during my busy season. (2) From these forums I get the feeling I need like minimum of 4 months evidence to illustrate a pattern that I am the primary caregiver and stbx is never around. stbx is changing positions at her current job in mid February and she said she would have more time to spend with s4. She has changed positions for this purpose several times in the past four years and she has never started spending more time with us. I hope it does not change this time.

I am going to have a hard few months ahead. Am I overestimating time demands of divorce process and amount of evidence I will need. Do you all think I should move up d-day to February?
She could just agree to everything to be with Mr. Wonderful, but I do not want to take the risk.

Oh still no video evidence of the act [I have kissing], the equipment I got was pretty expensive (sleuth gear) and does not seem to be working very well, very frustrating.

I am having lunch with a PI today? Can you all think of a way PI could help me with custody. I am sure she is not out doing drugs etc., I guess I really can’t say this anymore after catching her cheating.
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Re: my story :)

Postby jamessick » Wed Dec 28, 2011 1:05 pm

Here_We_Go wrote:Bart Simpson, I am sure she has been thinking about it, but do not think she is planning anything, Mr. Wonderful is married too. if i get that video, i'll tell her give me what i a want or i'll show it to his wife, still need her info.


How many lives are we going to delve into? What a wonderful thing for your children to know..."Hey, daddy blackmailed momma into divorce."

Concentrate on your kids and your role in their lives. Pursue the angle of showing her parenting time being vanishingly thin and your time with them demonstrably bigger. Everything in a custody case should revolve around the children. If you want to pursue the adultery angle, get a PI and set him on her trail. That way you can focus on your kids.
I am a dad. It is not a simple title, nor a professional position. It is a aggressively defended FACT!
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Re: my story :)

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed Dec 28, 2011 1:11 pm

if i get that video, i'll tell her give me what i a want or i'll show it to his wife,


While this may seem a logical strategy, it completely discounts the fact that it's the OP's fault that his wife cheated and it's Mr. Wonderful's wifes fault he is cheating on her.

Given these facts, the strategy of threatening to reveal the big secret is worthless.
Everyone lies.
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Re: my story :)

Postby Here_We_Go » Wed Dec 28, 2011 4:45 pm

Video is not my priority, and even though i said above here; i will not "blackmail" her because, and i really feel like i have forgiven her for it already, maybe just not dealt with the emotions. Video would give me piece of mind but i am pretty much already convinced. The most disturbing video, and i think it may be helpful, is one showing stbx getting home with s4 and ignoring him all night while she plays on I-phone [I was out of town]. He even came in and tried to get her to play with him a few times and she would not go. S4 is my priority I am basically keeping daily journal showing i am primary caregiver, and trying to document.

One thing I failed to mention is that my MIL cares for my s4 daily while we work, basically the daycare. Right now he goes to school 2 days a week. i take him to school about once or twice a month. Should i try to get him enrolled in the 5 day program? Should i get my mom, she has agreed already to pick him up on Tuesday / Thursday from school and i would meet her at her house? Or will this have the appearance I am doing something wrong when i file.
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Re: my story :)

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed Dec 28, 2011 4:54 pm

I wouldn't put a lot of faith in your most disturbing video swaying the courts opinion on much of anything.

Or will this have the appearance I am doing something wrong when i file.


Get things how you want them before you file.

It's understandable to be fretting over "how things look" but as long as you can reasonably explain your position I wouldn't worry about it.
Everyone lies.
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Re: my story :)

Postby Chris A » Wed Dec 28, 2011 5:27 pm

jamessick wrote:
Here_We_Go wrote:Bart Simpson, I am sure she has been thinking about it, but do not think she is planning anything, Mr. Wonderful is married too. if i get that video, i'll tell her give me what i a want or i'll show it to his wife, still need her info.


How many lives are we going to delve into? What a wonderful thing for your children to know..."Hey, daddy blackmailed momma into divorce."

Concentrate on your kids and your role in their lives. Pursue the angle of showing her parenting time being vanishingly thin and your time with them demonstrably bigger. Everything in a custody case should revolve around the children. If you want to pursue the adultery angle, get a PI and set him on her trail. That way you can focus on your kids.


You guys are better at this stuff!! When I was confronted with this stuff I felt so bad and crappy I went nuts and was willing to destroy anyone and every one. Damn I tossed in a nuke as it were. Tried to destroy him and her. Did a pretty good job too. It cost me some in the long run but I couldn't help myself. Learned a lot from this site though and am glad guys like you and fo4 post smart stuff :)
“Women can fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
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Re: my story :)

Postby jamessick » Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:55 pm

It is probably the most difficult thing you'll ever do. Keeping your head cool under the extreme stress of divorce is nearly unbearable. However, it's essential to your case. It's also notable that proving adultery rarely helps your case. In the OPs case, he says its for his own peace of mind. I opine that's not true, it's more likely he wants to know so he can get angry again. Time will tell on that one. We're not better than anyone else, we're just further along in the process and know for a fact what we shouldn't have done. We also have a firm handle on what's important in this process.
I am a dad. It is not a simple title, nor a professional position. It is a aggressively defended FACT!
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Re: my story :)

Postby Here_We_Go » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:01 am

Good news, s4 will be attending school 5 days a week and early bird program, I will be taking him to school everyday and MIL will be picking him up. Currently I drop and pick him up at MIL house everyday. She would take him to school 2 days a week because we did not have the early-bird drop off. Also we are applying at a new school for next year where he will attend until 8th grade.

@jamessick... I truly do not even want the videos to see the light of day. I appreciate your feed back and have a question for all:

Do you think filing with a cause of adultery instead of irreconcilable differences will affect custody battle? I see in many posts that it will not hurt or help custody, however I am concerned that judge will think I am angry about adultery and trying to gain custody out of revenge, which is absolutely not true. Let me reiterate the #1 priority to me is custody.
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Re: my story :)

Postby gotkids » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:14 am

Do you think filing with a cause of adultery instead of irreconcilable differences will affect custody battle? I see in many posts that it will not hurt or help custody, however I am concerned that judge will think I am angry about adultery and trying to gain custody out of revenge, which is absolutely not true. Let me reiterate the #1 priority to me is custody.


The adultery will come out probably anyway. It probably doesn't matter, but may help her settle quicker if you don't put it on the record. If you go to trial you can still ask for that as grounds. People (including the judge) will expect you to be angry. The judge (probably) will not like the adultery.
However, how you act will get you in more trouble than the adultery. Period.
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