What to do to begin divorce?

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What to do to begin divorce?

Postby ks5610 » Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:57 am

Hey guys I am hoping I can get some advice here. I'll give you the story of what is happening to me and hopefully I can get some advice.
I have only been married for 6 months on June 30th, I am 26 my wife is 25. I ignored the warning signs and am an idiot, but what is done is done I married her. My wife told me tonight that she wants a divorce and as much as I've fought it before and have tried to make things work at this point I'm done and just want to be happy again. We moved in together and rented a home, just over a year ago. The lease is in my name. We got married Dec 30 of 2011 and it has all just been downhill. Right after we married she began school to be a physicians assistant. Before we married she signed a loan without me for around 20,000 to pay for her school. She recently signed one for around $8,000 for the next semester again without my signature. I have provided for us with an army retirement, because I was hit with an IED and got a brain injury, and my GI bill living stipend has been our only source of income.
I am guessing after only 6 months I do not have to worry about alimony, am I correct? Do I need to worry about her debt? She signed her loans by herself and the first one was signed before we were married, do I have to pay half of them?
I had around $10,000 in the bank when we married I have around $8,000 right now can I keep that or will she get some? I am trying to get through school very hard right now with some difficulty due to my brain injury, but I don't want her walking away with what I earned while fighting a war. I also would prefer to just file the paperwork and be done with it not have to hire an attorney.
My plan right now is to be as civil as possible with her and try to get her to agree to fair terms and only taking what is hers. Does anyone have experience after a short marriage? What should I expect? What should I keep what should I let go? Where do I go from this point?
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby Fatheroffour » Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:41 am

Do you have children with this woman?
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby BartSimpson » Mon Jun 25, 2012 8:29 am

If your only reason for not hiring an attorney is to save money, you are wrong.

A six month marriage should be simple, but what does your wife say she wants?
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby ks5610 » Thu Jun 28, 2012 3:44 pm

We have no kids. We sat down today and tried to talk civilly and that went no where. She stated that she wanted what was hers and I take what is mine, but then when I told her I bought the living room furniture and TV before we were married with my money she said no I want that.

Basically I would like to walk away with what is mine, but if I had to leave today with nothing, but the shirt on my back but not have to pay her anything else I would be happy. She owes about 12,000 on a vehicle which I have been paying every month. She purchased it before we even knew each other and her mother cosigned the loan for it. She has probably $28,000 in debt for her physicians assistant school, $20,000 prior to marriage $8,000 after I have not signed either.

I basically just want what is mine and don't want this to turn into a mess or be stuck with her debt or owing her alimony payments.
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Jun 28, 2012 3:52 pm

Id wait fopr her to not be in the house; call some buds and move all your stuff out.
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby justlarry » Thu Jun 28, 2012 5:34 pm

"What to do to begin Divorce" - just tell her I Divorce You three times
Oh, wait. that would probably work back where you were when you hit the IED. Thanks for your service!



Fatheroffour wrote:Id wait fopr her to not be in the house; call some buds and move all your stuff out.


That is exactly what I did and that was after 16 years of marriage and 3 kids. No way was I going to do it with her home and each item I picked up she would turn into a battle. Probably escalating until police were called and I would be out of my own house anyway. Her and kids came home to a house with all MY stuff gone and I was fair about it.

Look at it this way when there are no kids involved. What did you spend on your last vacation to have peace of mind and recharge your batteries before going back to work. Did the furniture and TV cost as much as the vacation? Think of it as the cost to have a permanent vacation and recharge your batteries for the rest of your life away from her.

The loans, there hers. I would fight that but I would not let a couch and TV keep me from peace of mind.

...and by no means have sex with her in any way! Don't let one of your little swimmers near her. Flush a wet tissue :lol: That will ruin your life for sure.
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby ks5610 » Thu Jul 05, 2012 8:24 pm

A little update here. I ponied up and spent the money for a consultation with an attorney. According to him I am not on the hook for any of her school loans or vehicle loan which is great. Savings account could go either way, I'm fine with splitting it with her if she'll be agreeable and not turn this into a pain in the a##. He said I could owe her spousal support for 3 months from filing for the divorce (40% of all of my income), I'm going to do what I can to not have her get that. At this point if she doesn't lawyer up I'm not going to either its just not worth the money if she's not going to fight me on everything.

To everyone who said just get my stuff when she's gone. It's crossed my mind, but I love the house I'm in, plus my name is on the lease and I've paid the security deposit. The attorney told me she has every legal right to be there until the divorce is final, but if she wants to fight me she will not get the house in the end. What is the best way for me to civilly encourage her to get the hell out?
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Jul 05, 2012 8:41 pm

Ask nicely.

If that fails, be an @ss.

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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby TransAm » Thu Jul 05, 2012 9:55 pm

^Hahaha! Greatness.
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Re: What to do to begin divorce?

Postby BubbaGumpShrimp » Fri Jul 06, 2012 3:16 pm

Bud...with your Army disability/retirement...GO HIRE A LAWYER. Do yourself a favor and do that. If she's reasonable...yeah...you don't NEED a lawyer for a six month marriage. That's what all FIVE of the lawyers I spoke with told me about my 11 month marriage. "You shouldn't need a lawyer." :roll: Here I am...three months later and I have to take her to court to boot her out of my own house (commonwealth state). So yeah...if you think that you're going to save yourself a buck by skipping on the expense of a lawyer...think again.

ks5610 wrote:We have no kids. We sat down today and tried to talk civilly and that went no where. She stated that she wanted what was hers and I take what is mine, but then when I told her I bought the living room furniture and TV before we were married with my money she said no I want that.

Basically I would like to walk away with what is mine, but if I had to leave today with nothing, but the shirt on my back but not have to pay her anything else I would be happy. She owes about 12,000 on a vehicle which I have been paying every month. She purchased it before we even knew each other and her mother cosigned the loan for it. She has probably $28,000 in debt for her physicians assistant school, $20,000 prior to marriage $8,000 after I have not signed either.

I basically just want what is mine and don't want this to turn into a mess or be stuck with her debt or owing her alimony payments.


Walk away. Seriously...this can tie you up for months and cost you THOUSANDS in attorney fees. What's that furniture worth to you?

Let me put this in perspective for you. My NJ is likely going to destroy all of my military trinkets (i.e. uniforms, pictures, etc.) and anything else that she knows I care about when I left when she gets the order to vacate the house.

You having to suck it up and let her take some of your furniture is a small price to pay to have her out of your life. Try to look at the big picture (getting her out of your life with minimal pain/effort/misery) and don't get too wrapped up with the little things.

Edit:

ks5610 wrote:A little update here. I ponied up and spent the money for a consultation with an attorney. According to him I am not on the hook for any of her school loans or vehicle loan which is great. Savings account could go either way, I'm fine with splitting it with her if she'll be agreeable and not turn this into a pain in the a##. He said I could owe her spousal support for 3 months from filing for the divorce (40% of all of my income), I'm going to do what I can to not have her get that. At this point if she doesn't lawyer up I'm not going to either its just not worth the money if she's not going to fight me on everything.

To everyone who said just get my stuff when she's gone. It's crossed my mind, but I love the house I'm in, plus my name is on the lease and I've paid the security deposit. The attorney told me she has every legal right to be there until the divorce is final, but if she wants to fight me she will not get the house in the end. What is the best way for me to civilly encourage her to get the hell out?


We're talking about a woman that wants you to cough up furniture that you bought before the marriage. She's not just going to vacate because you want her to.

We're talking about a rental property. Give her your furniture, get her to sign on the divorce, and walk away from the property (pay the early termination fee). How much do you LOVE this place you're leasing? Enough to pay for her to stay there for the next 'x' months so that you can eventually stay in it along when this settles?
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