Been on the fence for 3 years - here's my story

[dad4thewin]

Your marriage may be fixable. Stop trying to fix your wife, become the man of the house and take your balls back and you may see things change.

So she had an emotional affair, so what. If you base your happiness on her approval then you are under her control.

Google "s h i t test" "alpha male" and "inner game" and change your life. It was too late for me by the time I found this new outlook and I was so emasculated that I wasn't able to recover until long after my marriage was over.

[gopherstatedad]

Update: I told my wife a few days ago I am done and it's time to move toward divorce. I am no longer willing to fix all the areas in our marriage that needs fixing.

She's dealing pretty well all things considered. Yes there is lots of crying and she is talking of broken dreams, but she is also able to discuss some practical matters. We have an introductory meeting (free 30 min session) next week at a collaborative legal firm. We have talked a bit about how to move forward. We are considering bird nesting (kids stay in the home while we go back and forth). She knows I WILL stay in the house until we have a temporary parenting plan in place. She was yelling at me the other day she wanted me to get out. After I refused she calmed down and said she needed 24 hours away from me. Well, that is a different story. We had been planning to visit her mother (90 minutes north of us) so she headed up to see her mom with the kids. (On written conditions she or her mother do not tell the kids yet, and she agreed to return with the children by Sunday at 8PM or allow me to pick them up). I am honestly not worried she will try to pull anything. We actually can work together pretty well. It's what I've been saying to her. We work together well to conquer external issues. We are wonderful co-parents, we just aren't very good at being husband and wife.

I'll continue to post in this thread as things progress.

[CCR]

I would record everything anyway. In MN, all she has to say is she is afraid of you, of which there is no defense, and she can get a 90 day restraining order. By then, there will be no bird nesting....she will be the CP by default with you getting EOW.

[gopherstatedad]

understood. I do take precautions. I certainly hope it doesn't come to that. She has sworn up and down she would not pull a false DV and that would be out of character for her (though divorce does test our character doesn't it?).

[Trevor]

Birdnesting? Really? I haven't read a single post about that working out well.

[Fatheroffour]

One of the chicks posted it worked out ok on a temp basis.

[gopherstatedad]

What have you heard? I seem to remember seeing a lot of responses how nobody would try it. For me I like the part of the kids stay put in the house. However, I do think that where ever my "away" place is, it needs to be alone. I really don't want to worry about sharing two spaces with her, now do I? Seeing FoF's post...temp basis would be good even...to ease into separating things outs. Anything that keeps up the cooperation is good.

[CCR]

I've seen this work, but it takes oodles of money since 3 households need to be supported....most folks can barely support 1 as a couple.

[Fatheroffour]

As long as everyone plays nice and by the rules I'm sure it would work.

Who cuts the grass? Buys groceries? Cleans the sheets? Pays utilities?

The gal suggested it in my case. I wasn't interested in sharing a bed with her post divorce.

[soccer rocker]

I have a friend who did the nesting, it worked temporarily but as soon as he met another gal he wanted out.

Seems like it would work with 2 households if you were comfortable sharing a 2br apartment as the away house. But again, what happens when one of you finds a new partner?