emotional rollercoaster

[steven8]

I received a letter in the mail today stating that my court case scheduled for mid-July has been moved up to the 1st week in April. I'm pretty sure my stbx received the same letter.

Here's what's been going on. I had to have the courts intervene so I can spend time with my son. The stbx is very malicious and manipulative. As part of the order I call him every monday and thursday between 7-8pm. At first she would hook the computer up to the phone line so it would just keep ringing when I called. After asking her....nicely....to disconnect the comp when i call, she just said oh well, you get through when you get through. I drug her < hindquarters > to court about that. The judge ordered her to disconnect the comp during my call time, and to have him available.

Well that order went in one ear and out of the other. Since then she's gotten worse. When I call my 5 year old says," Stop calling me!" You're not my dad, "i'm busy" (imagine that a 5 year old is too busy), "Callback later," etc. She has him playing board games or watching movies, etc. Well I've documented everything. When I pick him up, he is in a rush to get away from mom's house. He says things like, " Come on dad lets get outta here."

She filed a BS temporary order of protection against me in the past that I am going to court for in the ending of April. I'm pretty sure it will be dropped. My < parenting time > orders state that I pick my on up friday evening (at mom's) and return him sunday evening (to mom's). Well a few weeks ago, I picked him up and the crazy < female dog > followed me to the train station. I didn't say a word to her. I just stood there holding my sons hand. Next thing you know, she is taking him by the hand walking him to the train. She gets on subway with us. Then she gets off at 14th street and gives my son the most dramatic hug i have ever seen. WTF! He is obviously upset she is leaving but then he turns to me and starts grabbing my face, kissing me. "Daddy, I love you!" I feel so messed up inside. She is still continuing her affair (I think that's actually where she was going to....her b/f is a free lace loser, i mean artist who works somewhere in that area).

2 weeks later I go to pick my son up as usual. Two detectives come downstairs from her apt. WTF?!! They ask me what I'm doing there. The first one said," You're here for your kid right?" He told me she called him stating I am violating my t/o/p. The detective says," sir you are doing the right thing. Stay in your sons life. This woman is crazy. Have a great week-end with your son." Now the other detective says to me, "You shouldn't be talking to the kid about his mother or your divorce!" I just looked at him. He didn't even askme what's going on. I dont talk to my boy about anything to do with his mother or myself. Maybe I did 2 years ago but the as of late it is clearly all her doing.

Long story short. I get my son. Great weekend. Went bowling. Out to dinner. He's happy, I'm happy. He asked to spend more time with me but his mother refused. I bring him home. when I bring him home she has b'f in house. I'm pissed because my son wanted to spend 2 extra hours with me. She refuses just to be an < patoot >. I call the next night to talk. He's back at it again. Dont call me, im busy, etc. Same scenerio on thursday. So here comes the letter for my rescheduled court date. I call him as usual. To my suprise, he talks to me on the phone. He spoke for atleast 10 minutes. He spoke about being student of the month. Game cube games I bought him. Then when he wanted to hang up he didnt just hang up on me like he normally does. He actually asked permission to be dismissed from the phone. In those words, "May I be dismissed now.' Uh yeah ok. That caught me off guard even though it was a pleasant suprise. I know she probably got the letter also rescheduling the court date. I

I have my journal as proof of everything she has been doing. Im just so pissed cuz she is messing my sons head up. I spoke to the law guardian about 3 weeks ago. The law guardian, my lawyer, and I agree that my son should speak with a child pyscologist. Mom disagreed. My insurance covers it. When I go to court beginning April that will also be brought before the judge.

There is so much more she has done. At war she sends me an email stating I haven't supported her for the past year. I haven't supplied her with her benefits and entitlements. I sent her checks automatically through my web bill pay every 2 weeks so I know she got the money. Besides, she wants to run around with mr. no real job or responsibilities. Let him carry the burden. She then contacted a jag attorney that contacted me in Iraq. Threatening me. Telling me they where going to use ucmj actions against me. That is until I returned to the states this summer. My lawyer called them. Told the jag, I have proof of sending her payment. She didnt cash the checks until 5 months later. ?. Manipulative.

In the past my son told me she slept over his house. She brought my son and put him on the floor to sleep. Its actually his parents house. He lives at home. His parents know my stbx is married and they dont even seem to care that a married woman is in there house with her child.
My parents would kill me if i ever did something like that.

Here's the kicker. Im in iraq, she withdrew him from daycare and placed him in another school. Without my consent nor knowledge. I have joint legal custody. It took me 6 months to find out which school she moved him to. When Ilocated the school she registered him under her maiden name. Listed me as a step-parent, therefore I have no rights. I had to go to court, get a raised seal stating I have joint legal custody. The schoolis being a little cooperative, but they know they messed up. How could they register him without the birth certificate, medical records, etc. They all show my son has my last name.

I am back from Iraq now. I have a decent job. I make good money. I mostly make my own hours. I can definitely take great care of my son.

I am just hoping that when all this is presented to the determine her to be unfit.

[CBH'sDaddy]

Keep your head up. It sounds like you are doing the right thing & your stbx will get her day. Karma is a biatch she deserves it.

[DadInKS]

Good luck, Steve, and never give up. For a guy like me, who's just starting this whole process, it's great to read about other dads who are willing to lay it on the line, for the sake of their children.

[Bob]

In the emotional hell of a divorce, you HAVE to remember this will all pass sooner or later or get to a point where you can handle it without having to pour you heart out on a forum. There is certainly no shame in that, and that's the great thing about this site.

You have to remember that no matter what, this process will screw you, and it will screw her too at some point and in ways that may not be obvious to you.

I forget who said it, and it's not the exact words, but in essence the saying is that to attain something worth having, you have to risk losing everything else. There's never been a truer statment when it comes to divorce.

I couldn't afford to pay my attorney what I did, but I know I did the right thing and I swallowed my pride and asked for money anywhere I could get it. I may be screwed short term, but I know that it's the best thing I can do for my child. Money is replaceable.

If you keep doing what you're doing and don't let your foot off the gas, the court may rule against you (or with you), but the judge will respect you, you'll respect yourself, and when your child is old enough to know better, he'll respect and love you for it and take care of you in your old age. I'd rather be broke with a child who looks up to me and loves me and is well adjusted, than being rich with a child who looks to me more as an uncle and has unnecessary emotional and psychological problems.

One thing I have found after fighting for my son and getting true joint (and what I'm confident will become PC based on my X's similarly screwy behavior) is that people are drawn to fathers who fight for their children. Details usually don't matter. They're just amazed a father would do that in this day and time.

It's easy to get bogged down in the pin pricks of everyday divorce procedure and strategizing by women. They're much better at it than we are. But, if you remember the big picture, I think based on what you say that you'll come out fine. Remember the big picture.