telling our daughter tonite

[Rob]

Wish me luck everyone. She is 4.5, and she is going to be crushed.

[Captain Jim]

I don't understand why a four and a half year old needs to be told about this. I would think you could work around the topic for a while. I sure don't think she's going to understand any of it.

Personally I don't like it when parents involve the kids. Let them be kids and keep their innocence for as long as possible.

[No·MAD]

This is indeed a chilling topic. How to give the news to the children.
There is no easy answer. Perhaps it is better for them to come to the realization on their own. She will likely ask questions and that is perhaps the best time to give the answers. The impact will likely be the same regardless. This is an aspect of divorce I did not have to deal with because of the young age of our child. It must be a terrible thing to have to tell a child about divorce. It must be very difficult to hold back the complete truth of the circumstances that caused it. I feel for each of you out there dealing with this.

[nukeswife]

As a child of divorce, the best thing I can offer is to be very up front and don't leave the child scared and wondering what is happening. Explain things as they affect her.

Such as

Mommy and Daddy love you very much, but they can't live together anymore. So you are going to stay here with mom and dad is going to live somewhere else. You are going to see dad at his house now. Reassure her the you love her, it is not her fault, and you will always be her dad no matter what.

[missouriguy]

Or...... you're going to live with dad and mom is going live somewhere else. You will still get to visit with her. I like the sounds of that better, nukeswife.

[Captain Jim]

"The monsters ate mommy so we get to enjoy life now without being nagged."

[No·MAD]

Nice CJ. Real nice.

[Onyx]

My parents thought it was best not to tell us anything.. they didnt want to involve us... bad choice. That left the three of us to decide for ourselves what was going on.... (imagine a 7, 9, and 13 year old figuring out the mechanics of a divorce)

[No·MAD]

I'm not certain how it would be possible to not involve the three children in the divorce. Seems like a 7,9, and 13 year old would question it to the point of painful agony. I don't believe that most adults understand the entire mechanics of a divorce, or relationships rather...so it is perhaps in everyones best interest to not explain anything in great detail as that would likely be more harmful than helpful. I do think it wise to share these problems of life with the children when they reach a much higher level of maturity and self confidence. To shield them from problems would be to deny them truth and wisdom thus leaving the door open for the same mistakes to be made again.

[Captain Jim]

We aren't talking about kids over 7 years old in this case. We're talking about a four year old. Keep them warm, fed, protected, and loved. Never say anything bad about mommy or daddy. Let them know that right now mommy or daddy is going to be doing a lot of work away from home but that they will see them and talk to them almost every day because they love their little girl so much.

It isn't love to put this on a child's shoulders.

(But I still like the monster story)