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Yes Eric the grand conspiracy against you continues. Sorry I did not reply to help this father.
I find his question fairly laughable, however, being addicted to pot by itself does not warrant losing custody unless it places the child in physical danger. Addiction to any narcotic is viewed serious enough by the court to warrant primary placement being with the other parent, provided they not deemed unfit.
In all likelihood, random drug tests and supervised < parenting time > are in John's future.
Depending on your state and jurisdiction, you could have trouble with your pot smoking. Her schedule, on the other hand, makes a good opening for you to ask for more than 50/50 with the kids. Her lawyer was trying to make her look hard working and full of accomplishments while you look like a pot smoking druggie. That's only good for her up to a point. She's clearly able to make a living and support herself and to provide her half or more of child support. If you're official record is clean despite owning up to the pot, you ought to be okay. Don't conceed anything to her. Don't let them push you around. Insist on 50/50 legal and physical custody and the right of first refusal for when she is unable to keep them and wants to hire sitters/day care. Don't get caught up in what's fair in the system. Just go to work to get what you want.
There are many factors that must be analyzed when a court determines custody issues. Ultimately, it is based on the subjective interpretation of the Court regarding what is in the best interests of the child.
Certainly, your admitted pot smoking is not an asset and puts you at a disadvantage. However, how that pot smoking affects (or does not affect) your care of your children is a critical issue to address along with the other factors that relate to what is best for the children.
As everyone has said, you continue to post no reason why you SHOULD be the custodial parent, only minimalist reasons why she should not be. The fact that she goes to school in the AM and works in the PM does not make her unqualified or unable to be a mother. Given the facts that you present, the questions still remain about what makes you a good parent. The information you have given leaves a lot of doubt about not only your priorities, but your motives.
i have a job i've worked at for over 10 years. i have more time for kids. i buy the kids what they want. i take the kids places, and do things with. i earn 3 times more money than she does.
she told the court as her reason for leaving was: i wouldn't support her financially or help her with the house work, that i was letting the kids distroy the house, she said i was letting the kids do what they wanted whenever where ever. she said it was getting to be overwelming for her. she said she would clean the house and the next day it was trashed. she said i was letting kids eat and drink in their bedrooms and in the livingroom. moreless she said she felt like a slave and that i was killing her with not helping her. she was actually crying and the judge was watching her. how does a judge see that....what kind of **** is that?
You are making this very difficult to get solid advice. It started, with a question of getting custody after you admitted to her attorney you smoked pot. Then she abandoned, came back, abandoned, came back. Then you added about a male babysitter molesting your daughter, the kids staying up late, etc and her work schedule.
Now you add the you work and make much more than her.
The he-said / she said will not matter in court about blame in the divorce...especially not as to custody matters.
The court is obligated to determine what is in the best interests of the child. It matters not what you say, or she says, but only what either of you can PROVE.
In order to make a case for custody, you will need to be able to prove to the court that you have the capacity to be a responsible adult when it comes to parenting, and show that you can be more responsible than your wife. The two of you may be tied on varying degrees of negatives, but the court will be looking at the overall big picture here. Do a google search of child custody laws for your state to see the factors. Evaluate yours and your wife's applicable 'answers' within those factors...and then see where you stand.
In your case, it is likely a lengthy and expensive custody evaluation will be necessary unless you and the ex can agree as niether appear to be taking full responsibility for your own actions or thinking in terms of what is best for the kids.
Your tone indicates that you want to win custody only to avoid paying support--although you have not said so...I say this because your focus is mainly on why she should not have custody. The fact that you make more money does not factor heavily, i.e. not more heavily than any other factor--and there are many.
You need to focus. Do a search of this forum for "the list" and go from there.
we went threw the divorce court. we are currently awaiting the judges deccion. there were no withnesses called to the stand. no photos none of that stuff. it was basicly my word against hers. Her mom and my mom spoke for a brief moment on the stands. That was so the judge could get a look at them. Her mom is going to babysitting for her while she works, her mom is 54 years old. My mom is 83 years old, and she will be babysitty for me while I work. Niether of our moms said anything bad about either of us. i been wondering if i even stood a chance at getting custody or not. like stated we went to court already and were waiting for the judges deccions. i can't believe it's been a month and that judge still has made a deccion. what is taking her so long?
If this case is in the judges hands already, you have come here for advice far, far to late.
You stand a chance ONLY because she left them with you when she moved out, although there is no claim of abandonment which is valid anymore.
If the child can be with you in the evenings she is working, and during the days with either the child's mother, or a capable grandmother, than that would sound like a reasonable plan to be in the child's BEST interests.
However, I imagine there are many more facts of this case not yet presented, and I have serious doubts as to whether this thread is even valid. With every response you have been given, you come forward with new and enlightening information. You have gone from "will I get custody if I admit a 28 year addiction to pot", to "we have already been to court and are awaiting a judge's decision."
As much as i would like to help, I am afraid you are on your own unless someone else steps in. I am finding the majority of this to be difficult to beleive upon further reading.
This situation is just too strange to be real. Your enthusiasm to help dads is getting the best of you. A druggie who hired someone who molested his kid who doesn't understand why his ex may get custody after his kids get into his drugs with an 83 year old mom to babysit & wants to find out how to get custody himself...get real...guys, suggest you stop wasting your time with The Kook.